Trump Beefs Up Security Presence After Frighteningly Close Brush With JD Vance

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WASHINGTON—Alarmed at the shocking lapse in protocol that nearly resulted in disaster, a shaken President Donald Trump ordered his security presence beefed up Monday following a frighteningly close brush with JD Vance. “How’s a guy like that even allowed to enter the same building as me, let alone get within handshaking distance?” said Trump, adding that there was no excuse for him being subjected to nearly half a minute of mind-numbing small talk before Secret Service finally tackled the vice president. “From now on, we’re not only gonna have multiple agents at every door of every room I enter, but also position snipers on the roof, so they can take him out the second he’s spotted on White House grounds. I got lucky this time, but a deranged person like that won’t stop until we’re having a full-blown conversation.” At press time, Trump reportedly decided he’d never truly feel safe as long as Vance remained alive, and he immediately ordered Air Force Two shot out of the sky.

The post Trump Beefs Up Security Presence After Frighteningly Close Brush With JD Vance appeared first on The Onion.

   WASHINGTON—Alarmed at the shocking lapse in protocol that nearly resulted in disaster, a shaken President Donald Trump ordered his security presence beefed up Monday following a frighteningly close brush with JD Vance. “How’s a guy like that even allowed to enter the same building as me, let alone get within handshaking distance?” said Trump, adding
The post Trump Beefs Up Security Presence After Frighteningly Close Brush With JD Vance appeared first on The Onion. Read More

Finn

Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.

Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.

Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.

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