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Month: March 2026

Pentagon Confirms 6 Crew Members Met Their Fate in Iraq Plane Crash, Because Flying Over a War Zone is Always a Great Idea
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Pentagon Confirms 6 Crew Members Met Their Fate in Iraq Plane Crash, Because Flying Over a War Zone is Always a Great Idea

Big ElephantMarch 13, 2026March 13, 2026

Breaking: Another “Accident” or Iranian Sabotage? Biden’s Weakness Gets Americans Killed Again In what the Pentagon is calling a “tragic…

I don’t think any amount of money could make me do this job
Videos

I don’t think any amount of money could make me do this job

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 13, 2026

"This is easy money bro. These are just roaches. We grew up with them" Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately…

The Onion’s 2026 Oscars Best Picture Guide
The Onion

The Onion’s 2026 Oscars Best Picture Guide

FinnMarch 13, 2026

       The 98th Academy Awards will take place March 15 at the Dolby Theater. The Onion examines the 10 contenders…

Iran’s new leader, a daring bridge, reframing your daily walk: Catch up on the day’s stories — because who doesn’t love a good bridge and a fresh perspective on walking?
5 Things PM: The Morning After the Night Before
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Iran’s new leader, a daring bridge, reframing your daily walk: Catch up on the day’s stories — because who doesn’t love a good bridge and a fresh perspective on walking?

Big ElephantMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Good evening, patriots! It’s time for 5 Things PM, where we cut through the liberal media’s fake news to bring…

Trump 1.0 Crashed the Cuba Party: Diplomats Mourn the Good Times They Had
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump 1.0 Crashed the Cuba Party: Diplomats Mourn the Good Times They Had

Big ElephantMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Deep State Diplomats Cry Like Babies as Trump Fixes Obama’s Cuba Mess Another swamp creature crawled out from under a…

Buzzfeed’s Latest Concern: Can It Even Afford Another “Which Disney Princess Are You?” Quiz?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Buzzfeed’s Latest Concern: Can It Even Afford Another “Which Disney Princess Are You?” Quiz?

Big ElephantMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Well, well, well… look who’s finally running out of clicks to count! BuzzFeed, the once-mighty kingdom of “Which Disney Princess…

Events

“When Life Gives You Lemons, Just Throw Them Back: The Hilarious Saga of Disability and Violence”

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 12, 2026

FREE Workshop: Flipping the Story on Disability and Violence with Patsie Frawley and Nancy Fitzsimons Ever wondered how to “flip…

Babylon Bee

Jew Converts To Christianity After Internet Commenter Says, ‘Christ Is King, You Filthy Money-Grubbing Jew’

FinnMarch 12, 2026

    NEW YORK, NY — Heaven rejoiced today after a Jewish man accepted Jesus and converted to Christianity. Sources confirmed…

Trump, Mitch McConnell Clash In Oval Office Over Where They Are
The Onion

Trump, Mitch McConnell Clash In Oval Office Over Where They Are

FinnMarch 12, 2026

       WASHINGTON—In a heated exchange that laid bare a growing schism at the highest levels of Republican leadership, President Donald…

Babylon Bee

Morbidly Obese Pete Hegseth Denies Any Knowledge Of What Happened To Leftover Lobster For The Troops

FinnMarch 12, 2026

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — An uncharacteristically rotund Pete Hegseth held a press conference to deny having any knowledge of what…

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
March 2026
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