Celtics Attempt To Lure Giannis By Announcing Payton Pritchard His Brother Now

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BOSTON—In an effort to entice Giannis Antetokounmpo to join the franchise, the Boston Celtics announced Tuesday that guard Payton Pritchard was now the two-time MVP’s brother. “We understand it would be difficult for Giannis to leave Thanasis and Alex behind in Milwaukee, but we want him to know his beloved brother Payton is already right here in Boston waiting for him,” said Celtics president of basketball operations Brad Stevens, adding that Antetokounmpo would surely remember Pritchard from their childhood in Greece, where the two siblings spent long summer afternoons playing basketball, sharing meals, and dreaming of one day winning a championship together in TD Garden. “The Antetokounmpo brothers have a special bond, and that’s why we’re so excited to offer Giannis the rare chance to play meaningful minutes alongside Payton ‘Pritchard’ Antetokounmpo, the 6-foot-1 Nigerian Greek guard who has always been there for him since their boyhood. Unlike some of his other brothers, Payton is a key rotation player, so they’d get to be on the floor together all the time. Frankly, we think that kind of family connection is impossible to put a price on, though we are also prepared to offer draft picks.” Stevens added that if Pritchard’s brotherhood wasn’t enough to attract Antetokounmpo to Boston, the Celtics also currently have his first cousins Sam Hauser and Luka Garza on the roster.

The post Celtics Attempt To Lure Giannis By Announcing Payton Pritchard His Brother Now appeared first on The Onion.

   BOSTON—In an effort to entice Giannis Antetokounmpo to join the franchise, the Boston Celtics announced Tuesday that guard Payton Pritchard was now the two-time MVP’s brother. “We understand it would be difficult for Giannis to leave Thanasis and Alex behind in Milwaukee, but we want him to know his beloved brother Payton is already right
The post Celtics Attempt To Lure Giannis By Announcing Payton Pritchard His Brother Now appeared first on The Onion. Read More

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Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.

Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.

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