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Horrified Guests Begin Gagging As Dinner Host Reveals They’ve Been Eating USDA Beef

JT

      

RICHMOND, VA—Feeling the half-chewed contents of their stomachs roil as they retched into their napkins, guests at a local dinner party began gagging Tuesday as their host revealed that they had been eating USDA beef. “I do hope you’ve been enjoying those steaks and that they’ve been prepared to your satisfaction—but now comes the delightful surprise,” said Emile Bernier, a mischievous smile spreading over his face as he lifted a silver cloche to display an empty foam tray with a large USDA sticker clearly visible on the torn cling wrap. “That almost buttery filet mignon you’ve all been savoring was sourced by our very own U.S. Department of Agriculture. Oh, what’s the matter? You’’re suddenly all so pale. Come now, there’s no shame in expanding your palate a little, is there?” At press time, nauseated guests had begun fleeing the dining room before Bernier even had the chance to reveal that their salad greens had been thoroughly inspected by the FDA.

The post Horrified Guests Begin Gagging As Dinner Host Reveals They’ve Been Eating USDA Beef appeared first on The Onion.

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Finn

Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.

Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.

Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.

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