Here are the steps the NFL follows to evaluate head injuries.
Step 1:
Player receives devastating helmet-to-helmet hit that leaves him motionless for 46 seconds
Step 2:
Spotter initiates protocol after noticing entire offense kneeling in prayer beside teammate
Step 3:
Referee blows ceremonial gjallarhorn to signal commencement of concussion protocol
Step 4:
Player is asked simple yes or no questions like, “Do you want to lose your roster spot?”
IF YES: Player removed from game
Step 5:
Gait, coordination, and balance are examined by having player return to game for a few downs
Step 6:
Physician measures blood leaking from player’s ears to confirm it’s the normal amount
IF MORE THAN A LITER: Player removed from game
Step 7:
Player is administered cognitive exam in which he must correctly identify a square in fewer than 20 guesses
IF UNABLE TO IDENTIFY SQUARE: Player removed from game
Step 8:
Physician tests reflexes by hitting the player in the head a second time
IF REFLEXES BAD: Physician prevents concussion from spreading to body by amputating head, player removed from game
IF DETERMINATION NOT YET REACHED AFTER STEPS 1-8:
Audience votes by applause to decide if player can return to game
The post The NFL Concussion Protocol: How The League Determines If A Player Can Return To The Game appeared first on The Onion.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
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