**OMG! 🦈 JAWS on water? 🤣Sponsored by the Texas Lottery!💰 Volente Beach Resort on Lake Travis is gonna be lit 🔥 with JAWS 50th anniversary!**
BYO-tube? 🤔Or get a custom innertube! 🌊 Doors open at 5 pm, JAWS starts at 8:45 pm. 🎬Water’s 60 ft deep! 😱 No kids under 6 allowed. 🚫Bring your own life jacket! 🦺
Rocky terrain, steep incline! ⛰️ No lockers! 🙅♀️ Digital parking only, use code JAWS50. 🚗 No beach view, watch from the water! 🤪 No outside food, drinks, or real sharks! 🚫 Sales are final! 💸
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Chuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports expert who peaked athletically in middle school dodgeball.
Born in Halfcourt, Indiana, Chuck spent his formative years shouting unsolicited advice at professional athletes on TV, firmly believing that his couchside coaching was the key to their success.
Chuck B. Ballsy: because in the game of sports and sarcasm, he’s always the MVP. 🏀🎤
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