GHOST just dropped a new video for “Umbra” and honestly, it’s giving us full-on rock opera vibes with a side of impending doom. You know, just your standard Tuesday night watching a doomed couple spiral into oblivion while Papa V. Perpetua narrates like the gothic Dr. Phil of heavy metal.
The video, directed by Amir Chamdin, is basically a cautionary tale about dating someone who owns more eyeliner than you and has a penchant for dramatic lighting. But hey, at least the set design is giving us both cathedral chic and brutalist brutalism—because apparently GHOST decided their stage needed to look like it was designed by a monk who’s really into concrete.
Speaking of stages, the band’s “Skeletour” is currently packing arenas, but not before they canceled three shows because apparently North Carolina, South Carolina, and Tennessee collectively said, “Nah, we’re good.” State of emergency vibes, folks. Maybe they were just trying to avoid being Satanized live on stage.
And let’s talk about this “phone-free experience” nonsense. Yondr pouches? Really? It’s like they’re trying to recreate the 90s but forgot we actually had fun back then without needing to lock up our iPhones like they’re contraband. Spoiler alert: you can still sneak a peek at the Apple watch you’re wearing under your sleeve.
But let’s not forget the real star here: the Grucifix. Yes, that’s a real thing. It’s GHOST‘s take on a crucifix, because why worship traditionally when you can have a giant, glowing G hanging over the stage like the world’s most extra light fixture? It’s giving “church of rock and roll” but make it fashion.
And can we just take a moment to appreciate that “Skeletá” hit No. 1 on the Billboard 200? Not only did it outsell every other album, but it also became the first hard rock album to top the charts since AC/DC‘s “Power Up”. Basically, GHOST is out here proving that people still love rock music, they just need a little theatrical flair and a rotating cast of Papa characters to keep things spicy.
So, if you’re lucky enough to catch “Skeletour”, just remember: no phones, lots of leather, and a whole lot of existential dread wrapped in a killer guitar solo. And if you miss it, don’t worry—GHOST will probably reinvent themselves again by next Tuesday.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
