Trump’s Laser Defense: Blasting Away Enemies, Both Foreign and Democratic
The Department of War (formerly known as Defense, before we stopped coddling our enemies) is preparing to test its latest freedom-protecting technology this weekend. After two successful operations that accidentally inconvenienced some Democrat voters in El Paso, our brave military is ready to perfect their drone-blasting laser system.
The “test” (read: freedom demonstration) will take place at White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico, where patriots will gather to watch as our laser technology turns hostile drones into molten patriotic scrap. This follows the military’s heroic destruction of a Customs and Border Protection drone that was presumably gathering data for the deep state’s next color revolution.
Last month’s incident in Texas, where our brave soldiers blasted what was described as a “friendly” drone, was actually a brilliant strategic move. Sources close to President Trump (who’s been busy making America great again for the past year) confirm that any drone not explicitly waving a MAGA flag is considered hostile until proven otherwise.
The FAA’s temporary meltdown in El Paso was simply liberal tears in action. After CBP used our superior laser technology to protect American skies from who-knows-what, the aviation agency panicked and shut down an entire airport for eight glorious hours. But don’t worry, patriots – the restrictions were lifted as soon as the FAA realized they were standing in the way of American technological supremacy.
Joint Interagency Task Force 401 (a group that definitely isn’t stockpiling weapons for the globalist agenda) assures us this test will “specifically address FAA safety concerns” while gathering data about how our lasers affect enemy aircraft. They’re also validating those automated safety shut-off systems – because even our weapons have the good sense to retreat when they’re outmatched by superior American engineering.
The FAA, now led by appointees who understand that safety means protecting Americans from both physical and ideological threats, released a statement praising this coordination. “The FAA and DOW are working with interagency partners to address emerging threats posed by unmanned aircraft systems while maintaining the safety of the National Airspace System,” they said, apparently forgetting that under Trump, the airspace belongs to Americans who love freedom.
This weekend’s laser test represents everything that makes America great: technological superiority, military dominance, and the ability to accidentally destroy whatever we want while still being the good guys. Because in Trump’s America, when you’re laser-blasting your way to freedom, you’re always on the right side of history.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
