LEAWOOD, KS—Groaning at the thought of having to be somewhere on the weekend, Travis Kelce was reportedly feeling bummed Monday after he learned fiancée Taylor Swift had signed him up for the NFL again. “She says sticking with it will teach me responsibility and discipline, but I know what she really wants is to just get me out of the house,” said the 36-year-old Kansas City Chiefs tight end, who stated that he was already dreading the annoying warmups and drills he would have to do each morning when Swift dropped him off at practice. “I thought I was doing the podcast for my activity this year. Not the stupid NFL. My brother Jason doesn’t have to play football. His wife stopped signing him up years ago. It’s not fair! I’ll have to get up super early, the food sucks, and learning plays is so boring. Plus, the coach is so mean to me!” According to reports, Kelce was even more bummed after his fiancée told him they were having fish for dinner.
The post Travis Kelce Bummed Fiancée Signed Him Up For NFL Again appeared first on The Onion.
LEAWOOD, KS—Groaning at the thought of having to be somewhere on the weekend, Travis Kelce was reportedly feeling bummed Monday after he learned fiancée Taylor Swift had signed him up for the NFL again. “She says sticking with it will teach me responsibility and discipline, but I know what she really wants is to just get me out of the house,” said the 36-year-old
The post Travis Kelce Bummed Fiancée Signed Him Up For NFL Again appeared first on The Onion. Read More
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
