So, Gene Simmons, bless his black, leathery heart (probably from all the stage makeup), decided to grace Red Bank, New Jersey with his presence on May 5th. Yes, you heard right. Gene Simmons. Still alive. Still trying to convince us he’s relevant. He brought his *GENE SIMMONS BAND* along for the ride, because, let’s face it, who else would willingly subject themselves to that? 🤣
And what a setlist! Prepare to be *amazed* (or maybe just mildly inconvenienced):
- 1. Deuce (KISS cover) – Because Gene covering Gene is peak artistry. 🙄
- 2. Shout It Out Loud (KISS song) – I’m sure the crowd was *thrilled* to hear this classic.
- 3. Are You Ready (Gene Simmons song) – Ready for what, Gene? Retirement? 🤔
- 4. War Machine** (KISS song) – A song about war? How original!
- 5. I Love It Loud** (KISS song) – I’m sure the sound guy *loved* it too.
- 6. House Of Pain (VAN HALEN cover) – Wait, he covered Van Halen? Was he trying to make Eddie turn over in his grave? 💀
- 7. Ace Of Spades (MOTÖRHEAD cover) – Lemmy is rolling in his grave.
- 8. Band Intro Jam – The highlight of the night, I’m sure. NOT.
- 9. Parasite (KISS song) – Fitting, considering Gene’s business practices. 🦠
- 10. Cold Gin (KISS song) – Perfect for a lukewarm evening in New Jersey. 🥶
- 11. Bad Reputation (THIN LIZZY cover) – Does Gene even *know* Thin Lizzy? 🤷♀️
- 12. Charisma (KISS song) – Oh, the irony.
- 13. Spit** / **Whole Lotta Love – A medley of questionable choices.
- 14. And Your Bird Can Sing (THE BEATLES cover) – Gene Simmons covering The Beatles? Is nothing sacred? 🕊️
- 15. Calling Dr. Love (KISS song) – More like “Calling Dr. Phil for an intervention.” 👨⚕️
- 16. Rock And Roll All Nite – Because no Gene Simmons show is complete without this tired anthem. 😴
Apparently, this “tour” kicked off with a bang (and then fizzled out due to rain) in Georgia. 🌧️ Six songs before Mother Nature said, “Enough, Gene. Go home.” A second show followed in Kentucky, probably to equally enthusiastic crowds.
But wait, there’s more! Gene, in his infinite wisdom, decided to postpone nearly 20 dates until 2026. Because who wouldn’t want to see Gene Simmons in his late 70s “rocking” out? 👴
Now, let’s talk about the real reason we’re all here: “The Ultimate Gene Simmons Experience.” For the low, low price of $12,495 (plus the original ticket price!), you can be Gene’s personal roadie for a day! You get to help him load in equipment, attend soundcheck (because who wouldn’t want to hear “Deuce” one more time?), and even have a meal with the man himself! 🍔 You also get a used bass guitar! Wow!
Gene justifies this exorbitant price by saying it’s for “insurance” because “everybody sues everybody for no reason.” Oh, Gene, you’re such a comedian! 😂 He claims he can’t bring out 10, 20, or 30 roadies because of the astronomical insurance costs. Yeah, sure, Gene. That’s *totally* the reason.
But wait, there’s *another* package! The “Gene Simmons Bass Experience”! For a mere $6,500 to $12,500 (plus the ticket!), you can own one of Gene’s bass guitars! Signed, of course! Because who wouldn’t want a piece of Gene Simmons memorabilia cluttering up their house? 🎸
So, to recap: Gene Simmons is still touring, still playing the same old songs, and still trying to milk his fans for every last penny. 💰 But hey, at least he’s keeping himself busy. Right? 🤷♂️
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
