Karen Bass Endorsed By California Wildfires
LOS ANGELES, CA — Mayor Karen Bass received a glowing endorsement from California wildfires over the weekend, with thousands…
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Despondent Shohei Ohtani Figured He Would Have Met Steve-O After 8 Years In U.S.
LOS ANGELES—Admitting that it had cast a long shadow over his otherwise successful time in America, despondent Dodgers superstar…
Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong with a Remake of a Show About Robots Rising Up to Kill Humans Written by the Guy Who Made Dinosaurs Eat Lawyers
Because the world was just missing a Westworld reboot, and we all needed another opportunity to relive the thrill of…
Woke libs whine about Trump’s genius patriotic pool makeover plans
It’s absolutely hilarious to see the so-called “experts” and “fact-checkers” trying to spin the latest news about our great nation.…
TOOL Fans Rejoice Adam Jones Says They Might Possibly Maybe Consider Playing Some Shows In Vegas If They Feel Like It Someday
In a shocking turn of events, TOOL guitarist Adam Jones has confirmed that the band might, just might, stage a…
Vin Diesel Just Announced the 12th Fast and Furious Spinoff Because You Clearly Haven’t Had Enough of His Grunting Yet
Yeah, because what the world really needed was more Fast & Furious 🙄. I mean, who doesn’t want to watch…
Procrastination Mastery: The Ultimate Guide to Ignoring Responsibility and Watching Esports Tournaments All Day
Today’s esports scene is a wild ride, folks 🎢! With millions of viewers tuning in worldwide, it’s like trying to…
Trump Slammed For Replacing Reflecting Pool’s Original Coconut Flavor With Blue Raspberry
WASHINGTON—Calling it a shocking attack on our nation’s cultural heritage, critics slammed President Donald Trump Monday for his decision…
Woman Healed Of Liberalism After Touching Golden Trump Statue
MIAMI, FL — A newly christened golden statue of President Donald Trump may have healing powers, as sources confirmed…
Trump Unable To Figure Out Why He Surrounded By Chinese People
The post Trump Unable To Figure Out Why He Surrounded By Chinese People appeared first on The Onion. The…