Weezer Voted ‘Most Just OK’ Band Of All Time
U.S. — Alternative rock band Weezer has been dubbed the “Most Just OK” band of all time following a vote…
Day: March 3, 2025
Pete Hegseth Deploys 3,000 U.S. Troops On Beer Run
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Declaring the utter lack of alcohol in the Pentagon kitchen to be a “national emergency,” Defense Secretary Pete…
Trump Wants To Pardon Pete Rose: Here Are 10 Other Sports Pardons Trump Is Considering
Trump announced his intention to pardon the late Pete Rose, a ball player who was disqualified from the Baseball Hall…
Woman Contaminates Grocery Store Food With Urine For Years
Read MoreThe OnionA New Hampshire woman was arrested after several years of allegedly urinating on items at a food co-op…
Europe Pledges To Send Ukraine Their Entire Military Might Of 3 Panzer Tanks And A Nazi Motorcycle With A Sidecar
LONDON — The European members of NATO have rushed to the defense of Ukraine following criticism by the Trump administration,…
Movie Theater Ceiling Collapses During ‘Captain America’ Screening
Read MoreThe OnionAfter a ceiling collapsed onto the audience during a screening of the latest Marvel film, a theater in…
Viking Ancestors Looking Down From Valhalla Really Embarrassed By Their Descendents
VALHALLA — Mighty viking warriors looked down from their eternal resting place with embarrassment as their progeny floundered with basic…
Health Tip: Instead Of A Glossy Bag Of Potato Chips, Go For The Matte Bag With A Picture Of A Farmhouse
U.S.A — The FDA released updated health advice this week, including guidance around what kind of potato chips are the…
Trump Institutes Military Draft For Everyone With Ukraine Flag In Their Facebook Profile
WASHINGTON, DC — President Donald Trump announced this week he will be instituting a mandatory military draft for any American…
What To Know About ‘The Pitt’
Read MoreThe OnionThe Pitt, a new medical drama series on Max, has received an outpouring of praise for its realistic,…