128 New Moons Found Orbiting Saturn
Read MoreThe OnionAstronomers have discovered over 100 additional moons orbiting Saturn, bringing the gas giant’s total to 274. What do…
Day: March 14, 2025
Russia Says It Will Agree To Ceasefire As Soon As It’s Done Conquering Ukraine
MOSCOW — In an encouraging development for the seemingly deadlocked negotiations, Russia now says that it would agree to a…
JD Vance’s French Horn Solo Booed At Kennedy Center
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Failing to receive the reaction he anticipated from audience members, JD Vance was booed at the John F.…
Dad Issues Kids Night Vision Goggles So Family Never Has To Turn On A Light Again
HOULTON, ME — Local man Chris Porter stumbled upon an incredible life hack to reduce his family’s electric bill after…
RFK Jr. Claims Measles Can Be Cured With A Good Concealer
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In the wake of a growing outbreak that has sickened hundreds and killed two in West Texas and…
Tennessee Man Shot By Dog
Read MoreThe OnionA Memphis man was recently grazed by a bullet in his home after his 1-year-old pit bull, Oreo,…
Studies Show Majority Of People Who Say They Don’t Want Kids Have Never Flown A Toddler Around In A Laundry Basket While Making Rocket Ship Sounds
CINCINNATI, OH — An eye-opening new study has shown that the majority of people who say they don’t want to…
Report: More Americans Moving Away From Urban Areas For Rural Life Where They Have Escalating Feud With Beaver
Read MoreThe OnionCAMBRIDGE, MA—Suggesting the reversal of a longstanding historical trend towards urbanization, a report published Tuesday by researchers at…
Hollywood Buzz: Goofy Replaces Rachel Zegler in Snow White!😱
🎬 A scandal has erupted in Hollywood! Disney, panicking over the disastrous ticket sales for their new “Snow White” movie,…