Bad Timing? Tesla Announces New Cybertruck Model ‘The Fuhrer’
AUSTIN, TX — Stock in Tesla dropped this week following the announcement of a new vehicle named The Fuhrer, an…
Day: March 17, 2025
Trump Draws Names Of Countries From Hat To Determine Next Tariff
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The media were in attendance Monday morning to witness President Trump draw the name of a country…
Ghost Of Saint Patrick Returns To Drive Rosie O’Donnell Out Of Ireland
DUBLIN — Longtime local residents were shocked and amazed this morning, as the ghost of the long-dead Saint Patrick spontaneously…
RFK Jr. Apprehends Suspects Dealing Dangerous Sugars And Seed Oils
CHICAGO — A daring raid overseen by Health and Human Services Secretary RFK Jr has led to the apprehension of…
Dejected Schumer Superfan Can’t Believe He Dropped $10,000 On VIP Party Package
Read MoreThe OnionBALTIMORE—In the wake of news that the New York senator had postponed his book tour amid controversy over…
Overdue Library Book Returned After 99 Years
Read MoreThe OnionAn 81-year-old woman returned an overdue book to a New Jersey library after discovering it among her grandfather’s…
Federal Judge Orders Astronauts Be Returned To Space Station
U.S. — A district judge has issued a ruling saying Trump lacked the Constitutional authority to pick up two astronauts…
Oversized Leprechaun Hat Left At Home On St. Patrick’s Day To Avoid Damaging It
Read MoreThe OnionCLEVELAND—Concluding that the rewards simply weren’t worth the risks, local man Tim Fitzpatrick told reporters Monday that he…