🥑 Moby releases 500 free vegan tracks — but there’s a meaty catch 🥓

In a shocking move that’s shaking both Spotify playlists and bacon-loving boomers, legendary electronic musician Moby has dropped 500 tracks into the wild — for free. Yes, absolutely no money, no licensing, no paperwork. Just pure, unfiltered, plant-based sonic tofu.

The catch? Every single one of these 500 tracks is laced with the kind of aggressive vegan messaging that makes a yoga retreat look like a steakhouse. Moby — the bald, bespectacled prophet of kale — isn’t just offering free music. He’s offering a cultural cleanse. No more drum’n’bass without plant-based sass. No more ambient without animal rights ambient guilt-trips.

Aspiring filmmakers, TikTokers, ad agencies, and vegan dog food brands rejoice: the entire Moby audio arsenal is up for grabs, as long as you don’t try to sneak a pork chop into the beat. «I just want to see how creative people reinterpret my work,» Moby said from his hemp hammock probably, sipping some beetroot latte. What he really meant: «Make tofu viral. Or die trying.»

Of course, Moby’s kindness comes with a side of preach. Tracks include glorious titles like “Silence of the Hams”, “Tofu Fighters: Everlong Without Eggs”, and “Lettuce Pray” — a spiritual anthem for quinoa-crunching Gen Z monks. Imagine a world where every movie trailer now includes whispers about almond milk and climate guilt… That’s the Mobyverse, baby.

And let’s be honest — this is less about music and more about warfare. Culinary warfare. For years, Moby has fought a silent war against carnivores, keto bros, and BBQ dads. With this drop, he’s basically air-dropping soy grenades across the cultural landscape. Some might call it generosity. Others? Psychological warfare with a side of hummus.

While indie creators are lining up with wide eyes and empty wallets, not everyone is thrilled. In Reddit threads across America, rage-fueled bacon lovers are already creating counterplaylists like “Meat Beats Vol.1” and “Porkstep Resurrection”. One angry YouTube commenter wrote: «If I hear one more remix with lentils in it, I’m gonna deep-fry my AirPods.»

But let’s not forget the real heroes here — the influencers who will now flood Reels with dubstep remixes of tofu being grilled, baby goats being hugged, and salads spinning in slow motion. Finally, content that no one asked for but everyone’s algorithms demand. And with no copyright restrictions, you can now score your OnlyFans foot content with “Grill Me Softly (But Only with Zucchini)”. Thanks, Moby.

Still, we must commend the sheer audacity of it all. In a world where artists guard their catalogs tighter than billionaires hoard crypto, Moby just threw his entire discography into the compost bin of the internet. And compost it will — fertilizing new generations of content nobody asked for. Or maybe, just maybe, it’ll start a new genre: plantwave. Or leaf-hop. Or anti-beefcore. The possibilities are endless and unfortunately gluten-free.

Chord F. Discord

Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”

Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.

Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.