OMG! 😱 Did you HEAR?! Someone actually FILMED Metallica playing “Creeping Death” in Syracuse! 🙄 I mean, who cares, right? It’s not like they’ve played it a million times before. But hey, if you’re into watching grainy phone footage of a bunch of dudes in their 60s pretending to be metal gods, then knock yourself out. 🤘
So, Syracuse, huh? Apparently, it was Metallica’s GRAND RETURN to the stage in 2025. 🤣 As if anyone was actually holding their breath waiting. And the support act? Oh, the glorious PANTERA (without the *real* Pantera, obviously) and SUICIDAL TENDENCIES. Talk about a nostalgia trip straight to the retirement home! 👴👵 I bet the mosh pit was wild… with people trying not to throw out their backs.
And get this, folks: Metallica BROKE A RECORD! 🎉 They packed more people into the JMA Wireless Dome than The Who did back in 1982. Wow. Just… wow. I’m sure Roger Daltrey is just *thrilled* to have his record broken by a bunch of guys who are probably closer to needing walkers than smashing guitars. 🎸➡️🩼
Apparently, the stage was CIRCULAR. ⭕ Groundbreaking! That’s why they crammed more people in, duh. It’s not like Syracuse University has any idea how many seats they have. 🤪
The setlist? Oh, you KNOW they played all the “hits.” “Creeping Death,” “For Whom The Bell Tolls,” “Enter Sandman” – the same songs they’ve been playing since before most of you were even born. 😴 And of course, the obligatory Kirk Hammett and Rob Trujillo “doodle” segment. 🙄 Because nothing says “metal” like a couple of guys noodling around on their instruments while everyone checks their phones. 📱
But wait, there’s MORE! They actually played “Orion”! 🌠 I bet Lars Ulrich totally nailed it. 😂
Oh, and the “M72” tour? Apparently, it’s been hailed as “life-affirming” and “impossible to leave unsatisfied.” 🤔 By whom? Metallica’s moms? 🙄 And of course, it’s “as tight and furious as Metallica has sounded in ages.” Translation: they’re still trying to remember the lyrics. 🎤➡️🧠
The “No Repeat Weekend” thing? Yeah, that’s REALLY innovative. Playing two different setlists over two nights? Genius! 🤯 I bet the roadies are just LOVING having to lug around twice as much gear. 🚚
And get this: they’re playing at COLLEGE FOOTBALL STADIUMS! 🏈 Because nothing says “metal” like a bunch of drunk frat boys screaming along to “Enter Sandman.” 🤮
Oh, and the support acts for the tour? Besides the already mentioned geriatric giants, we have LIMP BIZKIT (still?), and ICE NINE KILLS. 🔪 Talk about a random assortment of bands. It’s like someone just threw a dart at a wall of band names. 🎯
And it’s all brought to you by… inKind? 🤷♀️ Apparently, it’s an app that rewards you for eating at fancy restaurants. Because that’s *exactly* what Metallica fans are into. 🍔➡️💎
But hey, at least a portion of the proceeds goes to charity. 🙏 So you can feel good about spending your hard-earned money to watch a bunch of aging rockers play the same songs they’ve been playing for the last 40 years. 💸➡️😇
And finally, we have a YouTube video of “Creeping Death.” 😴 I’m sure it’s riveting. And a poster! So you can remember the time you saw Metallica in Syracuse and broke a record for attendance at a dome. 🏆 Just don’t forget your earplugs. 👂➡️❌
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
