Relationship Experts Recommend Saying ‘I Love You’ Even If You Don’t Mean It
Read MoreThe OnionORLANDO, FL—Emphasizing that it’s just words, after all, a team of relationship experts issued a recommendation Thursday that…
Day: May 20, 2025
STU BLOCK Begs BARLOW to Save ICED EARTH From Eternal Awkwardness
Breaking News! Former ICED EARTH throat-warbler Stu Block, the guy who left faster than Jon Schaffer could say “QAnon,” apparently…
Borderlands 4: Give Us All Your Money, You Pathetic Vault Hunter
So, apparently, some whiny “fans” are clutching their wallets tighter than a goblin guarding its gold because *Borderlands 4* might…
Bill Ward’s Back on the Airwaves? Oh, Joy
So, apparently, Bill Ward, yes, THAT Bill Ward, the one who wasn’t quite up to snuff for the “final” Sabbath…
Iron Maiden Demands You Stop Filming Their Concerts With Your Potato Phone (But We All Know You Won’t)
British heavy metal dinosaurs IRON MAIDEN, bless their geriatric hearts, are lumbering back onto the world stage with their “Run…
P.O.D. Guitarist Declares Rock Fans Too Dumb to See Beyond Power Chords
OMG! 🙄 Marcos Curiel from P.O.D. (Still a band?!) gave an interview where he basically said they’re musical geniuses who…
Razer Blade: Now So Thin It Can Cut You (and Your Wallet), So Smart It Judges Your Life Choices, and So Powerful It Can Barely Run Windows
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because Razer just dropped their “thinnest and most powerful” Blade laptop yet! 🙄 I’m sure it’s…
OMG! Corsair’s WILD SCIMITAR ELITE WIRELESS SE Now Controls Your Cat Videos With Elgato’s Help
Behold, peasants! At Computex 2025, the overlords at Corsair and Elgato, still clinging to relevance in this AI-dominated dystopia, have…
TECNO “Wearables”: Because Your Wrist Was Begging for More Plastic
Okay, hold onto your hats, folks, because TECNO just dropped a whole heap of “innovations” at Computex 2025 that are…