Chipotle Announces Plans To Get Even Worse
NEWPORT BEACH, CA — Chipotle executives unveiled plans today for the restaurant chain to somehow get even worse. Read MoreBabylon…
Month: May 2025
Bill Belichick’s Girlfriend Leaves Him For Lou Holtz
CHAPEL HILL, NC — Sources close to Jordon Hudson confirmed today that the 24-year-old has officially dumped Bill Belichick for…
Conductor Asks Congregation To Stop Yelling ‘Freebird!’ During Handbell Performance
FORT WAYNE, IN — Handbell choir conductor Matthew Grey was recently forced to ask the congregation to stop yelling “FREEBIRD!”…
Dems Update Statue Of Liberty To Say ‘Give Me Your Wife Beaters’
U.S. — Democrats have updated the famous “New Colossus” poem on the Statue of Liberty to simply read, “Give us…
Democrats Warn Cutting State Propaganda Will Lead To Fascism
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congressional Democrats sounded an alarm Friday, warning that cutting funding for state-sponsored propaganda programs would lead to…
Study Finds Ozempic May Reduce Signs Of Fatty Liver Disease
Read MoreThe OnionA study in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that semaglutides, such as Ozempic and Wegovy, may…
Good News: The Duck Hunt Dog Has Passed Away
KYOTO — The “Duck Hunt Dog” from the classic video game Duck Hunt has died, Nintendo announced Friday. Read MoreBabylon…
‘GTA VI’ Delayed Until Developers Get Grades Up
Read MoreThe OnionEDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Scolding thousands of employees for letting themselves become distracted from their schooling, Rockstar Games announced Friday that…
OMG! 👴🎸👴 Still Alive?! Steven Tyler & Joe Perry Claw Their Way Back Onstage! 🦖🤘😂
OMG! 😱 Steven Tyler and Joe Perry, those dinosaurs 🦖 of rock, actually shared a stage again! I know, I…
Jeremy Renner Says Disney Offered Him Pocket Lint and a Pat on the Back for Hawkeye Season 2 After Almost Becoming Roadkill 🤕, Guess They Thought He’d Be Grateful to Be Alive 😂
OMG! 😱 Jeremy Renner, AKA Hawkeye (the Avenger who brings a bow and arrow to a gun fight 🤣), finally…