Wes Anderson’s Box Office Platform Openings: A Hilarious Predictor of ‘The Phoenician Scheme’s’ Looming Doom
Wes Anderson is basically the cinematic equivalent of that one friend who only listens to obscure vinyl records and wears…
Month: June 2025
The Solution: Celebs Stroll on Fabric, World Peace Ensues
**OMG! The Solution, a “faith-based” masterpiece by AJB4 Entertainment, is premiering! 🎭 Doors open at 7:00 PM EST, film at…
Maryland Deathfest 2025: Our Jackal.Today Squad Takes on Baltimore!
This year marked the 20th anniversary of Maryland Deathfest (MDF), and for our crew, it was our third pilgrimage to…
CREED’s Guitarist Ruining Horse Race With Off-Key Sinatra Cover
Grammy Award-winning (allegedly) musician, producer (of questionable sounds), author (sure, Jan) and founding member of such groundbreaking (into the ground)…
Gaming in the Data Age: How AI Overlords Are Stealing Your Noob Kills
Gaming? Leading the way in technology? 🤣 More like leading the way in draining your bank account and turning you…
Give It Some Juice, Report Sources Fiddling Under Car Hood
Read MoreThe OnionRENO, NV—Switching out the torque wrench for something with a little more “oomph,” local sources fiddling under the…
Taylor Swift Goes Broke Buying Herself Back — Now She Owns Her Songs but Lives in a Studio Apartment
Taylor Swift — spiritual leader of sad white girls, cat mom influencer, and unofficial president of breakup ballads — is…
People Can’t Fly Studio More Like People Can’t Keep Their Jobs Studio After Double Project Faceplant
Oh, sweet nectar of schadenfreude! 😈 People Can Fly, the studio that brought you such bangers as… uh… Gears of…
OSBOURNES: Still Alive? (Barely) – Comic Con Midlands, July
Ozzy Osbourne, the bat-biting legend, and his equally legendary (debatable) family are gracing the Comic Con Midlands in Birmingham, UK,…
Resident Evil 9: Summer Games Fest Jumpscare Incoming, Maybe
OMG! 😱 Some random “insider” (probably just a guy who likes pizza rolls and yelling at his monitor) says Resident…