LINKIN PARK, those lovable purveyors of mid-2000s angst, have apparently pulled the plug on their Bern, Switzerland show tonight (Friday, June 20). Why? Oh, just “a medical issue in the band.” Probably Mike Shinoda stubbed his toe on a sampler. Or maybe Emily Armstrong realized she was fronting LINKIN PARK. Either way, thoughts and prayers 🙏.
Earlier today, the band released a statement on social media that was probably written by an intern: “It is with great sadness…” blah blah blah. “Medical issue…” more blah blah blah. Honestly, who even cares? They’ve “always loved Switzerland,” you know, the place they’re totally bailing on tonight. It’s not like anyone actually *wanted* to see them anyway. Probably just a bunch of Gen Z kids who think “Numb” is a deep cut.
But fear not, Swiss fans! They’re rescheduling for 2026! 🎉 Mark your calendars! That’s right, you have a whole TWO YEARS to prepare yourself for the earth-shattering experience of seeing LINKIN PARK without Chester. Ticket companies will be contacting you…eventually. Probably via carrier pigeon. You know, to match the technological prowess of the band itself. So, sit tight and enjoy the anticipation. It’s not like you have anything better to do.
In case you missed it, Mike Shinoda (still clinging to relevancy) thinks their new singer, Emily Armstrong, is doing “a great job” filling Chester’s shoes. Which is like saying a rubber ducky is doing a great job captaining the Titanic. Sure, it floats, but it’s not exactly the same thing, is it? 🦆🚢
Last September, after only seven years, LINKIN PARK decided it was finally time to exploit Chester’s death and trotted out Armstrong and a new drummer, Colin Brittain, on a livestream. Because what better way to honor a legend than with a cringeworthy online spectacle? 🙄 Guitarist Alex Feder is filling in for Brad Delson at all concerts, because apparently, even Brad Delson has better things to do than play LINKIN PARK songs in 2025. Who could blame him?
Shinoda claims he met Em in 2019 and was “so impressed.” By what? Her ability to hit the same three notes repeatedly? Her collection of studded belts? The world may never know. Apparently, the band wasn’t ready to “do anything” until 2022. Probably because they were busy counting their royalties and trying to figure out how to stay relevant in a world of TikTok and mumble rap. 🤷
And the comeback album, “From Zero”? Oh, it’s a masterpiece, according to Mike. A masterpiece of mediocrity, that is. He says it’s like a “new band” with “25 years of catalog people wanna see.” Translation: They’re desperately trying to recapture the glory days by playing the same old songs with a new singer who sounds nothing like Chester. Good luck with that, guys! 🍀
Shinoda raves about how Emily has had the “insane challenge” of singing these songs. Insane indeed! It’s like asking someone to recreate the Mona Lisa with crayons. He also claims they have similar goals and get along great. Yeah, right. I bet they’re all secretly plotting to sabotage each other’s performances. 😈 But hey, at least the new drummer is “younger” and brings “energy.” Because that’s exactly what LINKIN PARK needed: more youthful exuberance. 👴👵
Their North American tour kicked off on April 26 in Austin, Texas. And I’m sure the crowds were wild…ly unimpressed. 😐
The deluxe edition of “From Zero” came out on May 16. Because who wouldn’t want to pay extra for three new songs and some live tracks? It’s a “limited pressing,” so you better hurry and buy it before it ends up in the bargain bin at your local record store. 💿🗑️
LINKIN PARK launched the 2025 leg of their “From Zero” world tour on January 31 in Mexico City. And I’m sure the world is just holding its breath in anticipation. 🌍
In late January, they released an a cappella version of “From Zero.” Because apparently, the original version wasn’t awful enough. 🎤
The original version of “From Zero” was their first full-length effort since 2017’s “One More Light.” Which was the last LINKIN PARK album before Bennington‘s death. Coincidence? I think not! 🤔
Last September, Mike addressed the scrutiny Emily would face as Chester’s replacement. He says they’ve talked about it “a million times.” Probably while sitting around a table covered in tissues and self-help books. He also claims that Chester was “one-of-a-kind” and Emily is *also* “one-of-a-kind.” Which is true, in the sense that they’re both human beings. But let’s be honest, there’s only one Chester. And he’s not coming back. So, let’s all just move on and pretend LINKIN PARK never happened. ✌️
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
