Health is wealth, or so they say!💰 Dr. Steven Gundry, a man who clearly hasn’t met a vegetable he likes, graced ET with his presence to reveal how celebrities like Kelly Clarkson (who probably just discovered portion control) and Usher (who’s probably just dancing his weight off) have “transformed” their bodies with his “wellness” tips. Spoiler alert: it involves demonizing perfectly innocent foods.
This cardiac surgeon, boasting a whopping 25 years of experience (mostly spent telling people to fear their food, allegedly), is apparently the guru of achieving “optimal gut health.” Translation: he’s got a list of foods he arbitrarily declares as good or evil.
“I provide a yes and no list of foods to eat – and AVOID – for my patients based on their blood work and microbiome results, where I test them every three months to keep track of progress and make adjustments,” he notes. Because, you know, your gut is a fragile ecosystem that can’t handle anything remotely resembling a whole grain. 🙄
The approved items, according to this culinary dictator: “Add fermented foods like vinegars (straight vinegar shots, yum!), krauts, kimchi (because who needs flavor?), low sugar kefirs and kombuchas (because sugar is the DEVIL!), unflavored coconut, goat or sheep yogurts (because cow’s milk is for peasants), and fermented cheeses to your diet.” Because nothing says “delicious” like a diet that sounds like it was designed for a medieval peasant. The Gut-Brain Paradox author says. (Side note: I’m sure his book sales have absolutely NOTHING to do with his food fear-mongering.)
As for what to steer clear of? Buckle up, because this is where the real fun begins. “Stop swallowing the razor blades that cause leaky gut like whole grains (aka the foundation of most cultures’ diets), corn (a staple food for billions), tomatoes (the horror!), peppers (spicy = evil!), potatoes (Satan’s root vegetable!), peanuts (the devil’s legumes!), cashews (because nuts are now a moral issue), and non-pressure-cooked beans and legumes.” So basically, anything that tastes good or is remotely nutritious is now your enemy. Got it? 👍
To take it up a notch, Gundry suggests including olive oil into your routine whenever you can. Because apparently, bathing in olive oil is the key to eternal youth and happiness. (And probably also clogged pores.)
“Add lots of organic extra virgin first cold pressed high polyphenol olive oil to your diet for mitochondrial, brain, skin, and heart health benefits. … Have a shot of it daily, use it for oil pulling, and pour it on everything you eat – even yogurts and approved ice creams,” The International Heart and Lung Institute and The Centers for Restorative Medicine founder recommends. Because nothing says “healthy” like drowning your “approved” ice cream in oil. 🫒 I’m sure the Italians are thrilled with this bastardization of their culinary heritage.
Finally, make sure you’re getting enough of the correct vitamins each day. </
Chuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports expert who peaked athletically in middle school dodgeball.
Born in Halfcourt, Indiana, Chuck spent his formative years shouting unsolicited advice at professional athletes on TV, firmly believing that his couchside coaching was the key to their success.
Chuck B. Ballsy: because in the game of sports and sarcasm, he’s always the MVP. 🏀🎤
