Get ready to jump into hyperspace and speed through the galaxy like a nerfherder with the new Star Wars racing game, because your grandma is going to be so jealous of your sweet racing skills 🚀👵! The game, titled Star Wars: Galactic Racer, has a release date set for October 6, and pre-orders are already available, because who needs patience when you can just throw your money at a game you’ve never played before? 💸
The game is being developed by Fuse Games, a studio that’s basically a bunch of Burnout and Need for Speed veterans who are trying to make a name for themselves in the gaming world, and published by Secret Mode, which is known for publishing indie titles like Still Wakes the Deep and Escape the Backrooms. Because, you know, those games were totally not obscure and unknown 🤣. Set after the events of the original trilogy, players will get to be Shade, a mysterious pilot who’s probably going to be super cool and edgy, and will have to navigate through a bunch of different modes and customization options, because who doesn’t love customizing their speeder bike with a bunch of random parts 🤪?
The game has a bunch of different vehicle classes, including landspeeders, speeder bikes, skim speeders, and podracers, because who needs a coherent and balanced roster of vehicles when you can just throw a bunch of random stuff together 🤷♂️? And, of course, there are going to be a bunch of customization options, because what’s a racing game without a bunch of overpriced DLC and microtransactions 🤑? The game also has a multiplayer mode, because who doesn’t love racing against a bunch of random people online and getting destroyed by a 12-year-old who’s been playing the game for weeks 🏎️.
The release date announcement also came with a bunch of pre-order options and bonuses, because who doesn’t love throwing their money at a game before it’s even released 🤑? Every pre-order comes with a bonus livery for each speeder class, which is basically just a fancy way of saying “we’re going to give you a bunch of random skins and call it a day” 🎨. The different editions of the game include:
- The Standard Pre-Order, which comes with a bonus livery and a player banner, because who doesn’t love a good banner 🏴
- The Deluxe Edition, which comes with a bunch of exclusive vehicles, a unique livery, and a digital art book, because who doesn’t love looking at pictures of video game concept art 📚
- The Collector’s Edition, which comes with all of the Deluxe Edition bonuses, plus a custom slip cover, a steel case, and a physical model of a landspeeder, because who doesn’t love overpriced collector’s editions 🤦♂️
So, if you’re interested in racing in the Galactic League this October 6, you can check out the Star Wars: Galactic Racer website, but let’s be real, you’re probably just going to end up buying the game and then playing it for like 2 hours before getting bored and moving on to something else 🤷♂️. May the farce be with you, I guess 🚀👽! 🤣🎮💥
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
