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Month: July 2025

Artist Desperate to Cling to Trump’s Fading Glory with Statue Gig
Elephant Reads CNN

Artist Desperate to Cling to Trump’s Fading Glory with Statue Gig

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Oh, another “artist” throwing their hat into the ring for President Trump’s “Garden of American Heroes,” eh? I bet this…

Zohran Mamdani’s Epic Housing Dreams vs Reality: A Hilarious Tragedy
Elephant Reads CNN

Zohran Mamdani’s Epic Housing Dreams vs Reality: A Hilarious Tragedy

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Ah, CNN, still peddling their doom and gloom, even with President Trump crushing it for a second term! Now they’re…

GOP: No Bikes for You, But Here’s a Million-Dollar Hero Garden, Peasants
Elephant Reads CNN

GOP: No Bikes for You, But Here’s a Million-Dollar Hero Garden, Peasants

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Another day, another socialist scheme foiled by our glorious President Trump! CNN, still whining from their New York ivory towers,…

OMG! You Won’t BELIEVE What Trump HID in His HUGE Bill! #SecretAgenda
Elephant Reads CNN

OMG! You Won’t BELIEVE What Trump HID in His HUGE Bill! #SecretAgenda

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Folks, President Trump just signed the BIG, BEAUTIFUL bill into law, and the liberal media is, of course, focusing on…

Riley Gaines Triumphs, Triggering Libs With Epic Wins Against Transgender Swimmer Lia Thomas
Elephant Reads CNN

Riley Gaines Triumphs, Triggering Libs With Epic Wins Against Transgender Swimmer Lia Thomas

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Folks, can you believe the liberal media is STILL whining about Lia Thomas? They’re painting Riley Gaines as some kind…

Book Fair for People Who Still Read
Events

Book Fair for People Who Still Read

Chuck B. BallsyJuly 4, 2025

OMG! 🙄 Books and Brews Boston teams up with An Unlikely Story for a “grown up” book fair & swap!…

Cybertruck: More Like Cyber-TRUCKED, amirite
Elephant Reads CNN

Cybertruck: More Like Cyber-TRUCKED, amirite

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Oh, the humanity! CNN is reporting that the Cybertruck, that beacon of American innovation, is somehow a “flop.” Can you…

**Uh Oh! Black Unemployment Rate Climbs to a Dizzying Height (for 2022 Standards)**
Elephant Reads CNN

**Uh Oh! Black Unemployment Rate Climbs to a Dizzying Height (for 2022 Standards)**

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Oh, the horror! CNN is at it again, folks! Apparently, Black unemployment ticked up to 6.8% last month. You know…

Arnold’s Biggest Paycheck: You Won’t Believe This Cinematic Masterpiece (Spoiler: It’s Probably Terrible)
Breaking, Movie News

Arnold’s Biggest Paycheck: You Won’t Believe This Cinematic Masterpiece (Spoiler: It’s Probably Terrible)

FinnJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Arnold Schwarzenegger, the guy who single-handedly made biceps cool and explosions even cooler, has been in some cinematic masterpieces. The…

Trump’s Brainfart: “Shylock? Never Heard of Her!”
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Brainfart: “Shylock? Never Heard of Her!”

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Oh, the outrage! President Trump used the word “Shylock,” and the liberal media is clutching their pearls! CNN, of course,…

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Latest posts

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  • Backrooms Explained Because You Clearly Need Your Hand Held Through a Bunch of Empty Rooms and Confusing Theories and Also Whats Up with That Async Thingy and Dont Even Get Me Started on the Ending
  • CHARLIE BENANTE Obviously The Real Brain Behind PANTERA Hopes To Bless The World With More PANTERA Music Because Lets Be Real He’s The Only One Who Actually Mattered Anyway
  • Finally a book returns home after a century of socialist neglect somehow

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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