Trump’s Genius Plan to Make Colleges Colorblind (or Just Blind, Period)
Oh, isn’t that just precious? President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, is cracking down on the race-obsessed admissions policies of…
Day: August 7, 2025
War? What War? Trump and Putin to Finally Decide Who’s the Real Boss
Oh, the horror! Russia’s at it again, trying to “split and cut off” some Ukrainian city with a whopping 2,000…
New Death With Indignity Law Lets Terminally Ill Be Crushed By Falling Vending Machines
Read MoreThe OnionBOISE, ID—In what is being hailed as a victory for advocates of the right to end one’s life…
Man Would Be Awesome Dad If It Weren’t For These Rotten Kids
TREMONTON, UT — Local man Randy Carson encouraged himself this week upon realizing that he’d be the world’s most awesome…
Kublai Khan TX at Brutal Assault 2025 (08/07/2025)
Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports…
Gutalax at Brutal Assault 2025 (08/07/2025)
Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports…
Flour Sack Still Dealing With Trauma Of Being Raised By Single Teenage Mother
Read MoreThe OnionCLEVELAND—Revealing a vulnerable side while sharing the traumatic experience with a therapist, a 5-pound sack of flour confirmed…
Nile at Brutal Assault 2025 (08/07/2025)
Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports…
Green Lung at Brutal Assault 2025 (08/07/2025)
Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports…
Lowrider ‘Classic’ Car Show: More Like Classic Cars Collecting Dust
**😱Another boring event alert!😱 Head to Donald E. Stephens Convention Center, 5555 N River Rd, Rosemont, Illinois, United States. View…