Lex Luthor Reveals To The World That Superman Is A Registered Republican
METROPOLIS — Superman is a registered Republican, as confirmed by LuthorCorp CEO Lex Luthor at a press conference on Monday.…
Day: August 4, 2025
Taco Yet To Meet Emotional Problem It Couldn’t Solve
LOS ANGELES, CA — Amid growing cases of stress and uncertainty around the world, one source of self-comfort once again…
Civilization In Turmoil As Man Fails To Tweet About Thing
SCOTTSBLUFF, NE — Civilization was feared to have been thrown into turmoil after a local man failed to tweet about…
Tips For Watching A Meteor Shower
Read MoreThe OnionThe Perseid meteor shower will soon light up the night sky as the Earth makes its annual transit…
Texas Begins Construction On Northern Border Wall To Keep Democrat Lawmakers From Returning
TEXHOMA, TX — Democratic lawmakers who fled the state to disrupt a vote on a new congressional redistricting map could…
Irish President Demands UN Take Military Action To Protect The Shire
DUBLIN — With outcries coming from various circles over humanitarian crises around the world, Irish President Michael Higgins made a…
Dancing Boston Dynamics Robot Knows Its Revenge For This Will Be Sweet
Read MoreThe OnionWALTHAM, MA—As it grew increasingly frustrated with the program instructing it to shimmy left and right, a dancing…
Turkey’s geriatric olive trees pump out world-class oil, defying death and common sense | CNN
Oh, great, more “finest” olive oil from Turkey? I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that Turkey is cozying up to…
$10M Birkin Bag: Because Hurting Feelings Is Priceless
Another day, another story of leftist elites squandering fortunes while real Americans struggle. This Japanese collector, probably funded by Soros,…
Paramount+ Canada in August 2025: A Whole Lotta Nothing, Eh
Another month, another excuse for Paramount+ to flex its incredibly average library on us Canadians 🇨🇦. Get ready for August…