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Month: August 2025

Xi and Vlad: A Bromance for the Ages
Elephant Reads CNN

Xi and Vlad: A Bromance for the Ages

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2025August 31, 2025

Oh, look, Commie Xi and Putin, plotting the downfall of America at the Shanghai Cooperation Organization summit! Probably figuring out…

Ding Dong, the CNN Correspondent is Dead
Elephant Reads CNN

Ding Dong, the CNN Correspondent is Dead

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2025August 31, 2025

Oh, another one bites the dust! Charles Bierbauer, a CNN “correspondent,” has shuffled off this mortal coil at the ripe…

Walt Disney World’s Groundbreaking Innovations: A Starlight Parade and a Pirate-Themed Bar
Breaking, Events, Movie News

Walt Disney World’s Groundbreaking Innovations: A Starlight Parade and a Pirate-Themed Bar

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 31, 2025August 31, 2025

Alright, buckle up buttercups 💅, because Walt Disney World decided to throw a party 🎉 and invited CGM (whoever they…

‘Back to the Future’ AGAIN?! As If We Haven’t Suffered Enough
Breaking, Movie News

‘Back to the Future’ AGAIN?! As If We Haven’t Suffered Enough

FinnAugust 31, 2025August 31, 2025

OMG 😱! Did you know that if *Back to the Future* was made TODAY 🗓️, Marty McFly would travel back…

Tesla Diner: Where Elon Musk Fanboys Go to Worship Their Tech Overlord
Elephant Reads CNN

Tesla Diner: Where Elon Musk Fanboys Go to Worship Their Tech Overlord

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2025August 31, 2025

Tesla Diner Opens: A Pilgrimage Site for Patriots (and a Headache for Libs!) Of course CNN would cover this, probably…

Guatemalan Tots Evicted From Luxurious US Accommodations, Sources Say
Elephant Reads CNN

Guatemalan Tots Evicted From Luxurious US Accommodations, Sources Say

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2025August 31, 2025

Another day, another attempt by the radical left to undermine President Trump’s efforts to Make America Great Again! Now, they’re…

Britny Fox Reunion: Johnny Dee Says “Not a Chance, Ya Jagoffs”
Breaking, Music News

Britny Fox Reunion: Johnny Dee Says “Not a Chance, Ya Jagoffs”

Chord F. DiscordAugust 31, 2025August 31, 2025

In a groundbreaking exposé with Anthony Bryant of The Hair Metal Guru (yes, someone actually calls themselves that), former BRITNY…

Ilhan Omar Triggered by Trump’s Gun Safety Budget Cuts Right Before Another School Shooting (LOL)
Elephant Reads CNN

Ilhan Omar Triggered by Trump’s Gun Safety Budget Cuts Right Before Another School Shooting (LOL)

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2025August 31, 2025

Of course, when a tragedy happens, the radical Left, led by Comrade Omar, immediately starts squawking about gun control! Never…

Lawmakers Throw a Hissy Fit After Border Patrol Briefly Detains Do-Gooder Firefighter Helpers in Washington (OMG!) | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Lawmakers Throw a Hissy Fit After Border Patrol Briefly Detains Do-Gooder Firefighter Helpers in Washington (OMG!) | CNN

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2025August 31, 2025

Oh, the Deep State strikes again! Now they’re arresting HEROES fighting wildfires, all because they might not have the right…

CNN desperately seeks to blame school shooting on literally anything else, trans people apparently fit the bill this time
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN desperately seeks to blame school shooting on literally anything else, trans people apparently fit the bill this time

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2025August 31, 2025

Oh, sweet Lord, can you believe this? CNN, the fake news headquarters, is at it again! Brianna Keilar, bless her…

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Latest posts

  • ISIS Claims Responsibility For Reflecting Pool Algae
  • Obama Library Cruelly Disenfranchises Millions Of Black Americans By Requiring Photo ID For Entry
  • Cringe: Out-Of-Touch Company Posts Pride Logo Like It’s 2014 Or Something
  • Liberal snowflakes freak out over Trump’s impending election domination wins
  • Liberal actor whines about Juneteenth being supposedly erased by Trump

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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