When Your Kid Might Be Getting Molested, Here’s How to Panic Properly

🚨BREAKING: Trauma Support Webinar for Adults Who Can’t Handle Their Kids Being Molested—Because Apparently We Need a PowerPoint for That Now! 🚨

📅 **WHEN:** Sometime between lunch and existential dread—check your email, Karen.
📍 **WHERE:** Zoom (because nothing says “healing” like pixelated faces and awkward silences).
💰 **COST:** Free! (But your soul? Priceless.)

Tired of just *crying in the fetal position* after your kid gets abused? Join our 60-minute masterclass on “How to Pretend You’re Coping While Secretly Googling ‘Can I Sue the Universe?’” Led by a trauma expert who definitely has their own issues but is *certified* to tell you about yours. Bring wine. Bring Xanax. Bring your repressed memories—they’ll resurface anyway. 🍷💊

Perfect for social workers, cops, doctors, and that one aunt who “has a good feeling about the babysitter.” Learn to support parents by doing the bare minimum: nodding, saying “I’m so sorry,” and not blaming the victim (shocking, we know).

Spots are limited—because even trauma professionals need a break from your trauma. Register before we run out of emotional bandwidth! 🔗 [Insert passive-aggressive registration link here]