When Your Kid Might Be Getting Molested, Here’s How to Panic Properly

🚨BREAKING: Trauma Support Webinar for Adults Who Can’t Handle Their Kids Being Molested—Because Apparently We Need a PowerPoint for That Now! 🚨

📅 **WHEN:** Sometime between lunch and existential dread—check your email, Karen.
📍 **WHERE:** Zoom (because nothing says “healing” like pixelated faces and awkward silences).
💰 **COST:** Free! (But your soul? Priceless.)

Tired of just *crying in the fetal position* after your kid gets abused? Join our 60-minute masterclass on “How to Pretend You’re Coping While Secretly Googling ‘Can I Sue the Universe?’” Led by a trauma expert who definitely has their own issues but is *certified* to tell you about yours. Bring wine. Bring Xanax. Bring your repressed memories—they’ll resurface anyway. 🍷💊

Perfect for social workers, cops, doctors, and that one aunt who “has a good feeling about the babysitter.” Learn to support parents by doing the bare minimum: nodding, saying “I’m so sorry,” and not blaming the victim (shocking, we know).

Spots are limited—because even trauma professionals need a break from your trauma. Register before we run out of emotional bandwidth! 🔗 [Insert passive-aggressive registration link here]

Chuck B. Ballsy

Chuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports expert who peaked athletically in middle school dodgeball.

Born in Halfcourt, Indiana, Chuck spent his formative years shouting unsolicited advice at professional athletes on TV, firmly believing that his couchside coaching was the key to their success.

Chuck B. Ballsy: because in the game of sports and sarcasm, he’s always the MVP. 🏀🎤