Rubio Orders State Department Braille Signage Switch To ‘Times New Roman’
The post Rubio Orders State Department Braille Signage Switch To ‘Times New Roman’ appeared first on The Onion. The…
Month: December 2025
Artist Profile: Katseye
Girl group Katseye is nominated for two awards at the 2026 Grammys, including Best New Artist. The Onion shares…
Jasmine Crockett Hits Campaign Trail To Axe For Votes
HOUSTON, TX — Representative Jasmine Crockett has officially launched her Senate bid, immediately hitting the campaign trail to “axe…
Taylor Swift Struggles to Pick Her Own Best Songs Because Apparently Even She Can’t Keep Up With Her Own Bops
Taylor Swift, in a stunning display of humility (and perhaps a severe case of amnesia), recently appeared on Stephen Colbert’s…
ICE Has a Bad Day as Judge Declares ‘Free the Abrego’ and Custody Can’t Hold Him Any Longer
In a stunning act of judicial overreach that could only come from an Obama-appointed activist judge, a federal court in…
Protesters crash DHS Secretary Noem’s testimony like she was hosting a family reunion they weren’t invited to
In a stunning turn of events that has everyone in the locker room scratching their heads, University of Michigan’s head…
“Hold Onto Your Blocks: Minecraft’s New Barely-Controllable Pixel Beasts & MoJank’s Latest Recipe for Chaos!”
🐄 Hold onto your pickaxes, folks, because Minecraft just dropped its latest “content bomb”—Mounts of Mayhem™—and it’s precisely as chaotic…
Jennifer Lawrence Agrees to Return to Hunger Games Reboot Because Apparently Her Bank Account Is Feeling Hungry Too
In a shocking twist that NO ONE saw coming (except everyone with eyes, ears, and a passing familiarity with Hollywood’s…
EPICA Releases New Single ‘Avatar – The Final Incarnation’ and It’s Not Even the Sequel
In a shocking turn of events that nobody saw coming (except their entire fanbase, their label, and literally everyone with…
Disney and OpenAI Just Made A Deal To Make Sora Into The Next Mickey Mouse
In a move that has sent shockwaves through the entertainment industry (and probably a few existential crises through the animatronic…