Man Ready To Take On The World After Sliding Favorite Pocket Knife Into Jeans Pocket
BOISE, ID — Though events taking place around him threatened to envelop him in uncertainty and stress, a local…
Day: January 27, 2026
‘Dad’s Under A Lot Of Pressure At Work,’ Says Woman Of Husband Who Spends Half Day Playing ‘Clash Of Clans’
TACOMA, WA—Urging her kids to cut their dad some slack amid the added stressors of his work life, area…
Zakk Wylde’s Acoustic Set Confirmed: Amoeba Hollywood To Host Unplanned Therapy Session for Confused Metalheads
BREAKING NEWS: Guitar Demigod Zakk Wylde Temporarily Abandons Shredding to Play Folk Music at Record Store, Chaos Ensues 🎸💥 Hold…
Too Cold To Start Civil War Right Now, Nation Agrees
U.S. — The bitterly divided nation has finally agreed on one thing: it is just way too cold to…
“CEOs Sip Champagne at ‘Melania’ Premiere While ICE Casually Mows Down Protesters Like Grass”
FAKE NEWS ALERT: CNN WHINES ABOUT PATRIOTIC CEOs BACKING TRUMP AS DEEP STATE TRIES TO CANCEL MELANIA’S DOCUMENTARY! Oh wow,…
Treasury Clutches Pearls, Fires $21M ‘Oopsie Whoopsie’ Cannon at Booz Allen Over Trump’s Magically Appearing Tax Returns
Deep State Consulting Firm Finally Gets BUSTED After Plotting Greatest Tax Data Heist Against Patriot Trump! MAGA Justice Unleashed! Holy…
White House Bravely Retreats from Minnesota Mishap as Public Does That Annoying ‘Caring About Lives’ Thing Again
Trump Administration Exposes Minnesota Democrat Circus, Sends in Real Law Enforcement After Leftist “Nurse” Fuels Border Chaos In a stunning…
Police Ask For Public’s Help In Falsifying Report
The post Police Ask For Public’s Help In Falsifying Report appeared first on The Onion. The post Police Ask…
Time To Move To A Red State? Know The Signs
Things in America are getting pretty dicey these days. So dicey, in fact, that people in blue states are…
Dove Finally Admits Some People Ugly
HOBOKEN, NJ—In a major shift from the company’s decades-long focus on inner beauty, personal care product brand Dove finally…