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Month: January 2026

Toddler Gets Frequent Flyer Miles in ICE’s Version of a Field Trip After Mistakenly Being Taken from Minnesota to Texas and Back Before Bedtime
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Toddler Gets Frequent Flyer Miles in ICE’s Version of a Field Trip After Mistakenly Being Taken from Minnesota to Texas and Back Before Bedtime

Big ElephantJanuary 24, 2026January 24, 2026

EXCLUSIVE: Deep State Judges and Radical Left Protesters in Minnesota Thwart President Trump’s Heroic ICE Agents During Routine Operation! Patriots,…

Wuthering Waves Players Arrive 1 Minute Late, Forced to Watch Startorch Academy Winter Fair Through Closed Doors
Events

Wuthering Waves Players Arrive 1 Minute Late, Forced to Watch Startorch Academy Winter Fair Through Closed Doors

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 24, 2026

💸 Spend $110 to get 2 keychains & 2 ID cards because that’s how “free gifts” work. 🎉 First-come, first-served!…

Wuthering Waves Gatekept Starchild Academy Winter Fair So Hard They Slapped a Strict One-Hour Only Entry Window on It
Events

Wuthering Waves Gatekept Starchild Academy Winter Fair So Hard They Slapped a Strict One-Hour Only Entry Window on It

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 24, 2026

Attendees, ready your wallets! At the designated venue, the “Startorch Academy” saga begins. If your on-site merchandise purchase is under…

Sunday Afternoon Disco at Joyface is Basically a Bootleg Wedding Reception
Events

Sunday Afternoon Disco at Joyface is Basically a Bootleg Wedding Reception

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 24, 2026

Finally, nightlife for adults who enjoy sleep. The “Matinee Disco” at Joyface is weekly every Saturday. 🥱🕺 This “Matinee Disco”…

Deep Dive: Mastering Discrimination So You Can Discriminate While Appeasing Everyone
Events

Deep Dive: Mastering Discrimination So You Can Discriminate While Appeasing Everyone

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 24, 2026

By popular request, our Workplace Law Group is hosting our first complimentary 2026 “Ask Us Anything Employer Webinar” panel discussion.…

Events

Wearing Pants Now Counts as Flirting on Fridays Because Our Standards Are in the Toilet

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 24, 2026

Get ready to awkwardly sway the night away at FLIRT FRIDAYS | SEVEN MIDTOWN, where the party never stops, and…

“Humbly Brag Your Way to “Absolute Expert-Level” LinkedIn Fame (Guaranteed to Influence Exactly 3 Recruiters and Alienate All Friends)”
Events

“Humbly Brag Your Way to “Absolute Expert-Level” LinkedIn Fame (Guaranteed to Influence Exactly 3 Recruiters and Alienate All Friends)”

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 24, 2026

Dein LinkedIn-Profil ist mehr als ein langweiliger Lebenslauf – es ist deine Bühne, um mit KI-Magie anzugeben! 🧙‍♀️✨ Anna Toklu,…

Events

2000s WORLD? More Like a Nostalgia Fart at Catch One

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 24, 2026

Remember the 2000s? Yeah, we’re making you relive them at Catch One in Los Angeles on Saturday, January 24th. 🔥…

80s New Wave Night Promises Dark Vibes And Sad Synths
Events

80s New Wave Night Promises Dark Vibes And Sad Synths

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 24, 2026

🚨 NEW WAVE ALERT: The ghost of 1984 is haunting Ridgewood! 🚨 Brooklyn’s favorite nostalgia trip is back, dragging its…

Events

Oh Cry Me a River: How to Sob Over Dead Embryos With Your Partner

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 24, 2026

Mark your calendars for January 29, 2026, at 12:00 PM EST because Dr. Shannique Richards is here to save your…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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