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Month: January 2026

ICE Officer Who Shot Woman in Minneapolis Previously Dragged by Suspect in Traffic Stop—Still Collecting a Badge
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

ICE Officer Who Shot Woman in Minneapolis Previously Dragged by Suspect in Traffic Stop—Still Collecting a Badge

Big ElephantJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

Just When You Thought ICE Wasn’t Tough Enough, an Agent Gets Dragged By a Car—Then Shoots a Lady for Not…

3 burning mysteries after the ICE shooting that even my grandma’s crystal ball can’t solve
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

3 burning mysteries after the ICE shooting that even my grandma’s crystal ball can’t solve

Big ElephantJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

Minneapolis ICE Shooting: Leftist Media Tries to Vilify Heroic Officer Who Stopped Terrorist Driver In yet another desperate attempt to…

Xbox Developer Direct January 22: Where Fable Finally Shows Up to Its Own Party and Brings Snacks
Breaking, Games News

Xbox Developer Direct January 22: Where Fable Finally Shows Up to Its Own Party and Brings Snacks

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

🚨BREAKING: Microsoft Announces New Xbox Developer Direct, Promising More Games, More Hype, and at Least One More Delay🚨 🎮💸 In…

Kristen Stewart’s The Chronology of Water Gets a New Trailer and It’s Still Not as Wet as Your Tears
Breaking, Movie News

Kristen Stewart’s The Chronology of Water Gets a New Trailer and It’s Still Not as Wet as Your Tears

FinnJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

🚨BREAKING: Kristen Stewart Ditches Vampires, Becomes Pretentious Auteur in Her Directorial Debut: AKA, How to Make Swimming Look Like a…

Aldis Hodge Back in Action: Cross Season 2 Promises More Crime Solving Than Your Ex Has Excuses
Breaking, Movie News

Aldis Hodge Back in Action: Cross Season 2 Promises More Crime Solving Than Your Ex Has Excuses

FinnJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Prime Video Announces Season 2 of *Cross* — Because Apparently We All Need More Nightmares About Billionaires Getting…

MAYHEM’s ATTILA CSIHAR Says He Wasn’t Even Mad When Euronymous Turned Into a Human Pizza
Breaking, Music News

MAYHEM’s ATTILA CSIHAR Says He Wasn’t Even Mad When Euronymous Turned Into a Human Pizza

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

When Black Metal Wasn’t Just a Music Genre, But a Full-Time Contact Sport 🎸🔪 Ah, the early ’90s—back when Norwegian…

Death Angel, All Shall Perish, Kylesa, and Soilent Green Sign Up to Haunt Lamb of God’s 2026 Headbangers Boat Like Ghosts on a Floating Metal Mosh Pit
Live, Music News

Death Angel, All Shall Perish, Kylesa, and Soilent Green Sign Up to Haunt Lamb of God’s 2026 Headbangers Boat Like Ghosts on a Floating Metal Mosh Pit

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: LAMB OF GOD ANNOUNCES 2026 CRUISE WHERE YOU CAN METAL IN A HOT TUB AND SNORKEL WITH PIGS…

Live

Build Wealth Through Property Investments | Galaxy of Homes Webinar – Because Your Couch Potato Portfolio Needs a Real Estate Intervention

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 8, 2026

Curious How the UK Property Market Can Work for You? (Spoiler: It Probably Won’t, But We’ll Try Anyway) 🏠💸 Join…

Babylon Bee

Anthropologists Discover Uncontacted Tribe In Remote Area Of IKEA

FinnJanuary 8, 2026

    COSTA MESA, CA — A team of anthropologists hard at work completing a field study announced that they had…

U.K. Bans Junk Food Advertisements
The Onion

U.K. Bans Junk Food Advertisements

FinnJanuary 8, 2026

       The United Kingdom banned junk food advertisements on television before 9 p.m. and at any time online, part of…

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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