MILPITAS, CA—After gradually resigning himself to an evening entirely devoid of physical intimacy, local man Seth Martin observed Friday that his third date with Hinge match Laura Parker was apparently just going to be watching Amélie without any hugs or kisses. “We’re an hour into the movie and Laura hasn’t so much as held my hand or pecked me on the cheek,” Martin told reporters, noting that Parker had sat down at the other end of the couch in which he was sitting. “I’ve tried making eye contact with her at multiple points, but her eyes are firmly glued to the screen. It’s like she doesn’t even notice I’m here. I thought that during the movie’s more emotional moments, like when Amélie returned that guy’s box to him, Laura would come over to my side of the couch and maybe rest her head on my shoulder, but no dice. I guess I’m just going to be watching Amélie skip stones or whatever until it’s time for me to leave.” At press time, Martin had reportedly let himself out of Parker’s apartment after she fell asleep during Amélie’s love scene with romantic interest Nino Quincampoix.
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MILPITAS, CA—After gradually resigning himself to an evening entirely devoid of physical intimacy, local man Seth Martin observed Friday that his third date with Hinge match Laura Parker was apparently just going to be watching Amélie without any hugs or kisses. “We’re an hour into the movie and Laura hasn’t so much as held my
The post Third Date Apparently Just Going To Be Watching ‘Amélie’ Without Any Hugs Or Kisses appeared first on The Onion. Read More
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.