Well, look who’s finally decided to crawl out of their sci-fi bunker and grace us with their presence — it’s VOIVOD, the band that’s been “working on multiple projects” for longer than most of us have been alive.
After what we can only assume was an intense period of staring at the wall and debating whether to call their next album “Quantum Waffle” or “Interstellar Toaster,” Canada’s finest metal weirdos have announced a tour. Yes, folks, VOIVOD is coming to a town near you, assuming your town has a venue that can handle their unique blend of progressive thrash and existential dread.
Drummer Michel “Away” Langevin (presumably named for his tendency to vanish during interviews) dropped a statement so packed with buzzwords it could power a small spaceship. They’re mixing a live album recorded with an orchestra, recording a new studio LP, working on a video game, and apparently also inventing a time machine on the side. Because why not?
In the meantime, they’ve gifted us with a video for “Condemned To The Gallows,” a track so old it probably remembers when thrash metal was just called “loud.” Director Pierre Ménétrier apparently lost all the footage when his computer crashed, but being the Canadian hero he is, he spent two years secretly piecing it back together like some kind of digital Mountie. The result? “Truly fantastic,” according to the band. We’ll take their word for it, since watching it might cause our brains to implode.
The band is hitting Europe this summer, playing everywhere from Iceland (where the Vikings probably still live) to Serbia (where they probably still practice human sacrifice). They’re also doing a short North American run with BAT, because apparently VOIVOD needed a band whose name is even shorter than theirs.
For those who don’t know, VOIVOD is that Canadian band your metalhead friend won’t shut up about. They started as speed metal, evolved into progressive thrash, and now exist in their own dimension where normal genre rules don’t apply. They’re often called one of the “big four” of Canadian thrash, alongside SACRIFICE, RAZOR, and ANNIHILATOR — which sounds less like a supergroup and more like a list of things you’d find in a medieval dungeon.
Their 1989 album “Nothingface” was their closest brush with mainstream success, somehow cracking the Billboard 200 at #114. That’s right, they were the 114th most popular thing in America for a hot minute. Take that, Tiffany!
The band also has a documentary called “We Are Connected,” which premiered at some fancy film festival in Montreal. We assume it’s about how VOIVOD is connected to the space-time continuum, but it could just as easily be about their Wi-Fi setup.
Their latest album “Morgöth Tales” features re-recordings of old songs, a new track, and presumably the sound of a dial-up modem dying a slow death. It’s the kind of album that makes you wonder if the band members communicate exclusively through Morse code now.
Oh, and there’s a new book out called “Always Moving – The Strange Multiverse Of Voivod.” Because when you’ve been a band for 40 years and still haven’t achieved household name status, why not release a coffee table book that three people will read?
So there you have it. VOIVOD is touring, making music, creating video games, and probably plotting to overthrow world governments with their sci-fi metal propaganda. Get your tickets now before they quantum tunnel to another dimension and disappear for another decade.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
