OMG! Crunchyroll, the overlords of all things anime (except maybe that *other* site… you know the one 😉), have decided to bless us, the unwashed masses, with… Ani-May! Yes, another month where they try to convince us to buy more plastic figures and subscribe to their increasingly laggy streaming service. Get ready to open your wallets, weebs! 🤑
So, apparently, it’s the THIRD annual Ani-May, presented by Crunchyroll themselves (who else would present it, your grandma?). They’re partnering with, like, EVERYONE to shove anime-themed products down our throats. We’re talking *Solo Leveling* (because who *hasn’t* had enough of that by now?), *Kaiju No. 8* (giant monsters? Groundbreaking!), *Bananya* (a banana cat… I’m not even going to dignify that with a comment 🙄), *Toilet-bound Hanako-kun* (because apparently, anime about bathroom spirits is what the world needs), and more! Prepare for your bank accounts to cry. Retailers like UNIQLO (for when you want to rep anime but also look kinda basic) and Hot Topic (for the *truly* dedicated) are getting in on the action. The Crunchyroll Store and Game Vault are also hosting “dedicated festivities,” which I’m sure will involve exclusive merch that you *absolutely* need to own to prove your worth as a fan. 🙄
UNIQLO, bless their cotton-poly blend hearts, will be giving out 30-day Crunchyroll free trial codes with eligible online purchases. Because nothing says “I love anime” like a poorly fitted t-shirt and a streaming service that buffers every five minutes. They’re also having some manga artist named Remi Yamamoto create UTme! collection designs. Ooooh, fancy! She’ll even be doing live manga portraits at the Fifth Avenue store on May 18th. Get ready to stand in line for hours to get a drawing that looks vaguely like you, but with bigger eyes. 👁️👁️
Hot Topic, the spiritual home of every edgy teenager, will be launching “special promotions” and “exclusive anime merchandise.” Translation: overpriced t-shirts, keychains that will break in a week, and maybe a questionable body pillow or two. Barnes & Noble will be highlighting anime home video deals. Yes, because physical media is totally still a thing. I’m sure those DVDs and Blu-rays will look great next to your Betamax collection. Best Buy is offering an exclusive *Spy x Family* pin with qualifying purchases. A PIN! Groundbreaking! Planet Hollywood is even getting in on the action with “themed experiences, cocktails, menu items, and merchandise inspired by anime.” Because nothing screams “authentic anime experience” like a watered-down Mai Tai and a burger shaped like Pikachu. 🍹🍔
Funko, the masters of soulless plastic figurines, are hosting an autograph signing with the English voice cast of *Jujutsu Kaisen*. Get ready to fight hordes of screaming fans for a chance to have your tiny, dead-eyed Gojo Satoru Funko Pop signed. Totally worth it. 👍
In the digital realm, *Fall Guys* (remember that game?) will be featuring *Bananya* skins. Because apparently, we haven’t suffered enough. And if you’re feeling nostalgic (or just haven’t seen it yet), *Demon Slayer -Kimetsu no Yaiba- The Movie: Mugen Train* is getting a re-release in theaters. Because who needs new content when you can just rehash the old stuff? 🚂
The Crunchyroll Store is introducing the SteelNook, an open display case for your SteelBooks. Because displaying your anime addiction is *totally* healthy. The Game Vault will be dropping new games each week, probably shovelware titles that no one will ever play. 🎮
And finally, because they’re *so* generous, Crunchyroll will be offering 20 “hit anime series” to stream for free… with ads! Get ready to watch three minutes of anime followed by five minutes of commercials for mobile games and questionable dating apps. What a steal! 💰
They’ll also have “special quizzes” on their site to help you decide what merch to buy. Because apparently, you can’t decide for yourself what anime trash you want to spend your money on. And of course, other countries and regions are getting their own “fun events, meet-ups, and partnerships.” Because the world needed more anime-themed gatherings. 🎉
So, there you have it. Ani-May 2025: a month-long celebration of consumerism disguised as a love for anime. Get your wallets ready, folks. It’s gonna be a wild ride! 🎢 Just remember, you don’t *need* any of this stuff. But you’ll probably buy it anyway. 😉
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
