It’s finally happening: the eleventh and supposedly final installment of the Fast & Furious franchise, Fast Forever, is gearing up to start production. Because what’s a franchise without one last cash grab? Vin Diesel announced at a 25th anniversary screening of the original The Fast and the Furious that they’re set to start shooting in December, pending studio approval. Because, of course, the studio needs to give the thumbs up to a project that’s already been delayed for three years.
The previous film, Fast X, ended on a cliffhanger that left audiences wondering if the main cast had perished in a plane crash. Spoiler alert: they’ll be fine. Vin Diesel’s character, Dom, was also in a precarious situation, but let’s be real, he’s not going anywhere. The real question is, what took so long for the next installment to get off the ground? According to Diesel, the script went through four sets of writers and four years of development. That’s a lot of cooks in the kitchen, and you have to wonder what kind of culinary masterpiece they’re hoping to serve up.
The Franchise That Refused to Die
The Fast & Furious franchise has been a cash cow for Universal, with the 2015 film Furious 7 grossing over $1.5 billion worldwide. However, each subsequent film has seen a decline in box office numbers, with Fast X earning a paltry $714.3 million. The critical reception hasn’t been much better, with Fast X scoring a lackluster 56% on Rotten Tomatoes. You’d think that would be a sign for the studio to pull the plug, but nope, they’re pushing forward with Fast Forever. Because, as the saying goes, “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again… and again… and again.”
It’s clear that Universal is hesitant to let go of the franchise, despite its dwindling returns. The production costs for these films are astronomical, and you have to wonder if it’s worth the investment. But hey, who needs original ideas when you can just rehash the same old formula and hope for the best? The Content Mines remain fully operational, after all. Somewhere, a Focus Group earned another bonus for telling the studio exactly what they wanted to hear.
The script for Fast Forever has been a long time coming, with Michael Lesslie working on the most current draft. You have to wonder what kind of magic they’re hoping to conjure up to make this film a success. Will it be a return to form for the franchise, or just another tired rehashing of the same old formula? Only time will tell, but one thing’s for sure: the studio is banking on nostalgia to carry this film across the finish line. Because, as we all know, nostalgia is the lifeblood of Hollywood.
A Never-Ending Cycle
It’s exhausting to think about the number of unnecessary sequels and reboots that have flooded the market in recent years. The Merchandising Department reportedly approved the decision to greenlight Fast Forever before the writers did, because what’s a movie without a slew of overpriced merchandise to go along with it? It’s a never-ending cycle of cash grabs and desperate attempts to cling to relevance. The Franchise Resurrection Department remains one of Hollywood’s busiest offices, and it’s a wonder they haven’t run out of ideas yet.
As the release date for Fast Forever approaches (currently set for March 17, 2028), you have to wonder if anyone is still excited about this franchise. The trailers will likely promise “the most anticipated event of the decade,” but let’s be real, it’s just another Fast & Furious movie. The algorithm has decided that audiences want this, so we’ll get it, whether we like it or not. Somewhere, an executive whispered, “Can this become a trilogy?” And so, the cycle continues.
In the end, it’s just another day in the world of Hollywood, where studios are more concerned with milking a franchise for all it’s worth than with creating original, compelling content. The annual Nostalgia Harvest is in full swing, and Fast Forever is just another entry in the long list of unnecessary sequels and reboots. But hey, who needs originality when you can just rehash the same old formula and hope for the best? The answer, of course, is no one. But that won’t stop them from trying.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
