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Day: May 1, 2025

Bad Timing: Kilmar Abrego Garcia Honored With MS-13 ‘Employee Of The Month’ Award
Babylon Bee

Bad Timing: Kilmar Abrego Garcia Honored With MS-13 ‘Employee Of The Month’ Award

Finn McFrameMay 1, 2025

HYATTSVILLE, MD — Any goodwill extended toward a controversially deported El Salvadorian man took a hit this week due to…

Lemmy gets another statue in Stoke-On-Trent because one wasn’t nearly metal enough 🤘😂
Breaking

Lemmy gets another statue in Stoke-On-Trent because one wasn’t nearly metal enough 🤘😂

Chord F. DiscordMay 1, 2025May 1, 2025

Oh my gawd, you guize! 😱 They’re actually doing it! They’re building a monument to Lemmy in Stoke-on-Trent. Stoke-on-freaking-Trent! 🤣…

Tom Angelripper takes a break from touring to finally learn how to parallel park 🚗 and maybe knit a cozy little pentagram 🧶
Breaking

Tom Angelripper takes a break from touring to finally learn how to parallel park 🚗 and maybe knit a cozy little pentagram 🧶

Chord F. DiscordMay 1, 2025May 1, 2025

OH. MY. SODOM. 😱 Angelripper, the thrash metal overlord, has decided that headbanging is for *peasants* and airports are, like,…

Étoile? More like E-TOILET🚽… prepare for a dump of opinions!
Breaking

Étoile? More like E-TOILET🚽… prepare for a dump of opinions!

Finn McFrameMay 1, 2025May 1, 2025

So, ‘Étoile’ Season 1 gets a whopping 7.5 out of 10 stars, huh? 🙄 Must be groundbreaking television. I mean,…

The Sword, bless their hearts, are dusting off “Warp Riders” for a 15th-anniversary tour, because apparently time (and riffs) forgot that album existed 🤷‍♂️🎸🚀
Breaking

The Sword, bless their hearts, are dusting off “Warp Riders” for a 15th-anniversary tour, because apparently time (and riffs) forgot that album existed 🤷‍♂️🎸🚀

Chord F. DiscordMay 1, 2025May 1, 2025

Behold, the geriatric Texan riff-lords, THE SWORD, have dusted off their amplifiers and emerged from whatever retirement home they were…

14 Years Avoiding ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’ Spoilers Undone In Single Moment Of Carelessness
The Onion

14 Years Avoiding ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’ Spoilers Undone In Single Moment Of Carelessness

Finn McFrameMay 1, 2025May 1, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionSPOKANE, WA—Lamenting that all his effort had been in vain, area man Evan Stackelberg told reporters Thursday that…

Igor Cavalera Claims Brazilian Metalheads Were Just Trolling Grandma With Satanic Stuff 🤘😂👵
Breaking

Igor Cavalera Claims Brazilian Metalheads Were Just Trolling Grandma With Satanic Stuff 🤘😂👵

Chord F. DiscordMay 1, 2025April 30, 2025

OMG! 😱 Iggor Cavalera, the dude who used to hit things in Sepultura (before they became, like, *totally* irrelevant), just…

“No Rest for the Wicked” devs claim their “Breach Update” is totally new, but really it’s just more of the same, amirite? 🙄😂🔥
Breaking

“No Rest for the Wicked” devs claim their “Breach Update” is totally new, but really it’s just more of the same, amirite? 🙄😂🔥

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 1, 2025April 30, 2025

Alright gamers, listen up! No Rest for the Wicked, that game that’s trying to be Dark Souls but also Diablo…

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  1. CirrusFlash on Oh great, another overpriced ski simulator nobody asked for is getting a shiny new trailer and a collector’s edition, whoop-de-doo 🙄 ⛷️ 👻 💰.April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to authenticity.

  2. canary apple red on HBO Bends the Knee to Rowling: Trans Rights? Apparently Not as Magical as Galleons! 🤑April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to Ryan.

  3. Bleach on 🛒Amazon Takes Full Control of 007: James Bond Gears Up for the Battle of Likes and Discounts🎬April 25, 2025

    The Met Gala theme this year: \'millionaires but make it expensive.\'

  4. Crazy Eights on Oblivion Remaster: ‘Body Type’ vs ‘Gender’ – Who Won This Clown Show? 🤡🎉April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to 5000.

  5. Sleek Assassin on 🤠 Amazon Reinvents Mass Effect: Forget the Reapers, Meet Galactic Two-Day Shipping!April 25, 2025

    Award shows: where sponsored hand each other trophies for existing.

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