Fuel your body with…vegan protein bars that taste like dessert? 🤣 Oh honey, bless your heart. TRUBAR founder Erica Groussman, bless her soul, sat down with ET to tell us all about her “wellness routine,” which apparently involves tricking herself into thinking she’s eating donuts while simultaneously trying to be healthy. The delusion is strong with this one. 🍩🍪🍰🍓
Apparently, this CEO (Chief Executive…Of Protein Bars? 🤔) relies on these “yummy snacks” (said no actual dessert connoisseur EVER) to keep her feeling “healthy and full” (two words that rarely go together when describing anything that resembles a donut). And get this, Bethenny Frankel, queen of skinny margaritas and questionable life choices, loves them too! Birds of a feather, I guess. 🦩
“Wellness is all about what actually fits into my day… I keep it simple but consistent… I’ve learned it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, it just has to happen,” she spouts. Okay, so basically, wellness is whatever excuse you can come up with to justify your questionable dietary choices. Got it. 📝 Sounds like a solid life plan!
“I’m not chasing perfection. I just want to feel good and keep up with everything I have going on,” she continues. Translation: “I’m too busy to actually be healthy, so I’m just going to pretend these protein bars are good for me and hope for the best.” 🤞
Her go-to activity: “I try to move my body every day, even if it’s just a walk between calls… Right now, I’m obsessed with padel… I’m fully hooked. It’s competitive, fun, social, and somehow still a killer workout… Reserve Padel in Miami, Florida is definitely my happy place right now.” Padel? Seriously? Is that like pickleball’s bougie cousin? 🎾 And of course, it’s in Miami. Because where else would you find a bunch of people pretending to be athletic while simultaneously networking? 🌴
To reach her full potential on and off the court (because apparently, padel is a serious athletic endeavor now), Groussman sticks to a “nutritious diet.”
“I stay on top of my hydration with electrolytes throughout the day and I eat clean most of the time and avoid sugar alcohols, seed oils, and gut-wrecking stuff… I’m not counting every calorie or following some trend, but I do pay attention to real ingredients I can actually pronounce and want to eat.” Oh, so she’s basically describing every diet ever invented, except she’s adding her own special brand of protein bar-fueled delusion. “Real ingredients I can actually pronounce?” Does that include the artificial flavoring that makes her protein bars taste like donuts? 🤔 Just asking for a friend.
To close out her day — and get ready for the next one — the businesswoman prioritizes her nighttime routine. Because apparently, being the CEO of a protein bar company is SOOOOO stressful. 🙄
“I take sleep seriously. A cozy cocoa helps me wind down after the grind,” she notes. A cozy cocoa? Is she trying to channel her inner grandma? 👵 Next, she’ll be telling us about her knitting circle and her obsession with cats. 🧶🐈⬛
In conclusion, Erica Groussman’s “wellness routine” is basically a masterclass in how to convince yourself that you’re healthy while simultaneously indulging in your sweet tooth. 🏆 Bravo, Erica. Bravo. 👏 Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go eat a real donut. 🍩
Chuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports expert who peaked athletically in middle school dodgeball.
Born in Halfcourt, Indiana, Chuck spent his formative years shouting unsolicited advice at professional athletes on TV, firmly believing that his couchside coaching was the key to their success.
Chuck B. Ballsy: because in the game of sports and sarcasm, he’s always the MVP. 🏀🎤
