OMG! 😱 Guess what, fellow headbangers? Our beloved KORN, yes, the band that brought you such lyrical masterpieces as “Freak on a Leash” (woof woof 🐕) and “Blind” (“ARE YOU READY?!”), is apparently still making music! James “Munky” Shaffer, the dude who probably still wears JNCO jeans👖, told BBC Radio 1 that they’re recording their new album “old school.”
Translation: they’re using tape! 📼 I know, right? Tape! It’s like they just discovered fire 🔥. He said they’re all “sweating it out” in a room. Sweating? In a room? Groundbreaking stuff, Munky. And if they mess up, they rewind the tape! ⏪ Wow, talk about commitment. It’s not like they could just, you know, use a computer like every other band on the planet 🌎. But hey, at least they’re having fun reliving the ’90s. Maybe they’ll bring back dial-up internet for the album release. 🤣
Can you believe KORN‘s debut album turned 30 last year? 👴 Time flies when you’re listening to nu-metal. To celebrate, they played a show at BMO Stadium in Los Angeles with special guests EVANESCENCE (still around?), GOJIRA (the token heavy band), DARON MALAKIAN AND SCARS ON BROADWAY (who?), SPIRITBOX (the new kids on the block), and VENDED (because nepotism is alive and well). 🎉 It’s like a who’s who of bands you either forgot about or never cared about in the first place. But hey, at least they’re keeping the dream alive. Or something. 🤷
KORN also did a North American tour last year with GOJIRA and SPIRITBOX. 🎸 I’m sure the kids loved seeing a bunch of old dudes jump around on stage while pretending to be angry. 😠 And let’s be honest, GOJIRA probably carried the whole tour. 🤘 I heard the tour wrapped up in St. Paul, Minnesota. I bet the fans were thrilled. Said no one ever. 😴
Oh, and remember Fieldy? The bassist who left the band to “heal” his “bad habits”? 🤕 Yeah, he’s still gone. Replaced by some dude from SUICIDAL TENDENCIES. 🤷♂️ I’m sure Fieldy is doing great, probably living on a beach somewhere, sipping margaritas and listening to anything but KORN. 🍹
Their latest album, “Requiem”, came out in 2022. 💿 It hit No. 1 on the Hard Rock Albums chart! 🎉 Mostly because no one buys hard rock albums anymore. 🤣 They sold 23,000 units. Wow, impressive! 🙄 It also landed at No. 14 on the Billboard 200. So, basically, it was popular for like a week. 📅 But hey, at least they’re still making music, right? Right? 🥺
Despite being MIA for four years, Fieldy played on “Requiem”. So, he’s still getting paid, even though he’s not actually in the band. 🤑 Talk about a sweet gig. 😎
KORN has sold over 40 million albums worldwide. 💰 Two Grammys! 🏆 Countless tours! ✈️ They’ve set records that will “likely never be surpassed.” 😂 Yeah, because music is totally the same now as it was in the ’90s. They’ve “pushed the limits of rock, alternative, and metal.” 🤣 More like they’ve pushed the limits of how long a band can stay relevant. But hey, at least they’re still trying. Or something. 🤔
KORN is “a genuine movement in a way bands cannot be now,” according to The Ringer. 🤪 They represent “a new archetype and radical innovation.” 🤣 Their ability to “transcend genre makes barriers seem irrelevant.” 😂 More like their music is so generic that it doesn’t even fit into a genre. But hey, at least they’re still KORN. Or whatever. 🤘
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
