So, CYNIC, those progressive metal pioneers (allegedly), have kicked Matt Lynch to the curb 🗑️. Apparently, Michel Bélanger from GORGUTS (who?) was beating the skins for their Maryland Deathfest gig on May 24, where they played “Focus” in its entirety. Because, you know, nothing says “deathfest” like a bunch of dudes pondering the meaning of existence through jazzy time signatures 🙄.
Lynch, bless his heart ❤️, had been with CYNIC since 2015, gracing us with his presence on “Ascension Codes” (which I’m sure everyone remembers…) and the groundbreaking single “Humanoid”. Groundbreaking, I say! It broke the ground… of my patience 😴.
CYNIC, in their infinite wisdom 🧠, released a statement: “After a meaningful chapter together (of getting paid, presumably 💰), we’ve decided to part ways with Matt Lynch (because we found someone cheaper, maybe?). We’re thankful for the time and music shared (mostly the time), and wish Matt all the best (as long as he doesn’t start a competing CYNIC cover band 🙅♂️).”
In 2023, they celebrated the 30th anniversary of “Focus” (because apparently, they peaked early) by playing it live (again!) and paying tribute to Sean Reinert and Sean Malone. Awww, how touching… until you realize they’re probably just trying to guilt-trip you into buying more merch 🤑.
2020 was a tough year for everyone (except maybe toilet paper companies 🧻). But for CYNIC, it was like a Shakespearean tragedy, but with more blast beats. They lost Sean Reinert and Sean Malone, which was, like, a total bummer, man 😔. Cue the sad, wanky guitar solos!
Reinert, a founding member, was “highly influential” to young drummers. Yeah, because every aspiring drummer wants to play like they’re having a seizure while simultaneously solving a Rubik’s Cube 😵💫. His work on “Focus” and DEATH‘s “Human” was groundbreaking… in the sense that it made me want to grind my teeth into dust 😬. He left CYNIC in 2015, probably to escape the existential dread of playing progressive metal 🤘.
The death of Sean Malone added another layer of tragedy to CYNIC‘s already tragic existence. His virtuoso playing (read: noodling) meshed perfectly with Reinert‘s (read: chaotic flailing). Together, they formed a rhythmic powerhouse… of pretentiousness 😤. They fueled CYNIC‘s “celestial aims,” which I assume means trying to get their music played on Mars 🚀 (good luck with that).
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
