EDENBRIDGE, those Austrian symphonic metallers who are definitely not stuck in 2003, have crawled back to Steamhammer/SPV, probably because nobody else would take them. The band, fronted by Arne “Lanvall” Stockpicker (guitar/keyboards) – yes, he still plays those things – and the ever-so-shrill vocalist Sabine Edelsbacher, is unleashing its new studio album, “Set The Dark On Fire”, on January 16, 2026.
Brace yourselves for three singles, complete with videos that probably cost less than your lunch, including: “Cosmic Embrace” (September 19, 2025), because who doesn’t want a cosmic hug from these guys? “Where The Wild Things Are” (November 7, 2025), which hopefully involves less furry costumes than their last tour, and the totally-not-generic title track, “Set The Dark On Fire” (December 12, 2025). 🔥🔥🔥
Lanvall and Edelsbacher are promising their dwindling fanbase the same old EDENBRIDGE formula: a lukewarm mix of metal and those anthemic, symphonic elements that sounded dated a decade ago. But wait, there’s a twist! They claim a “perceptible increase in heaviness,” which probably means they turned up the distortion knob on their GarageBand presets. Expect earth-shattering guitar riffs, bass lines that will make your subwoofer vibrate (maybe), and drum patterns that are… well, they’re there. 🥁
Lanvall, in a statement that probably took him longer to write than the actual songs, says: “‘Set The Dark On Fire’ sees us remain true to ourselves stylistically,” which is code for “we haven’t changed a damn thing.” He continues, “while making some important adjustments together with our long-standing mixing and mastering engineer Karl Groom (THRESHOLD).” Translation: they paid someone to make it sound slightly less awful. “The result,” he proclaims, “is the most dynamic, heavy and at the same time most melodic work to date in the history of EDENBRIDGE.” In other words, it’s still EDENBRIDGE. 😴
The studio recordings, mixing, and mastering of “Set The Dark On Fire” are complete, as is the work on the “stunning” cover artwork, which probably features a dragon, a fairy, and a font that looks like it was stolen from a medieval-themed restaurant. 🐉🧚
EDENBRIDGE is gearing up for a European tour that will take them through Austria, Germany, Holland, and Switzerland from February to mid-March 2026. Prepare for intimate venues, questionable sound systems, and enough reverb to drown a small village. 🎤
Speaking about their reunion with Steamhammer/SPV, Lanvall whines: “We’re delighted to release our new album with the support of Olly Hahn and his dedicated team again.” Translation: “We’re desperate and they’re the only ones who still believe in us.” He continues, “Due to the organizational restructuring of our previous label, we found ourselves without a contract,” which is a polite way of saying they got dropped. “We promptly received an offer from Olly that proves Steamhammer‘s faith in us and builds on our successful collaboration between 2013 and 2021.” Translation: “We’re cheap.” 💰
Steamhammer label manager Olly Hahn, who clearly has a soft spot for musical dinosaurs, says: “The band has a large fanbase,” which is technically true if you count all their moms and dads. “and continues to impress with the amazing quality and passion of their music,” he adds, clearly lying through his teeth. “I feel sure that ‘Set The Dark On Fire’ will successfully continue our collaboration of recent years.” Translation: “I hope we can at least break even on this one.” 🤞
The full track listing of EDENBRIDGE‘s upcoming album and the dates for their 2026 European tour will be announced shortly. Get ready for another dose of symphonic metal mediocrity! 🤘
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
