Jason Blum, the Nostradamus of cheap thrills and jump scares, has bravely admitted that trying to turn M3GAN into a goddamn superhero was a slight miscalculation. 🤡 Apparently, the dude thought he could just slap a cape on a creepy doll and rake in the billions. Spoiler alert: it didn’t quite work out. 🤣
The poor wittle Blumhouse founder and CEO, bless his heart, is now reflecting on the studio’s “mistakes” with *M3GAN 2.0*. Oh, the humanity! The sequel only managed to scrape together a measly $17 million at the worldwide box office, after being projected to make $45 million, then $30 million. Someone call the waaaambulance! 🚑
Blum, in a moment of profound self-awareness (or maybe just a sugar crash), told *The Town* podcast: “I was upset.” You don’t say, Sherlock! Who would have thought that a greedy studio exec would be bummed out about a movie underperforming? 🙄
The producer, who claimed he was in a “death spiral of depression” before seeing the final box office numbers, whined about how the studio “mishandled” the follow-up to the 2022 horror “blockbuster.” Oh, the drama! 🎭
He confessed: “We all thought M3GAN was like Superman — we could do anything to her. We could change genres, we could put her in the summer, we could make her look different, we could turn her from a bad guy into a good guy.” Yeah, because that’s totally what audiences wanted: M3GAN, the friendly neighborhood robot! 🦸♀️
He then added: “And we kind of classically overthought how powerful people’s engagement was, really, with her.” Translation: we thought people were dumber than they actually are. 🧠
Blum also pointed out that there were “more issues” than just the misguided genre-swap to more of an “action comedy” (because that’s what everyone was clamoring for) and a summer release (because horror movies always do great in the summer, right?). ☀️
He went on to blame director Gerard Johnstone, saying he’s “someone who could solve almost anything you throw at him, but needs time.” Oh, so it’s the director’s fault now? Classic! 🎬
Blum continued: “He’s just one of those directors that needs a lot of time. And on the first *M3GAN*, he had all the time in the world.” Because apparently, rushing a sequel is always a great idea. 💡
“I don’t think we even had a release date until the movie got finished.” Wow, what a novel concept! Maybe they should try that again sometime. 🤔
“And on this, again, we’ve gone over our skis too far, summer movie, change the genre, set the date. We got too excited by *M3GAN*, and she didn’t work.” In other words, we got greedy and it backfired. 💸
In this cinematic masterpiece, M3GAN has to be rebuilt by her creator Gemma (Allison Williams) to battle a self-aware military robot called AMELIA intent on an AI takeover. Because what the world really needs is another AI apocalypse movie. 🤖
Johnstone, in a desperate attempt to salvage his reputation, insisted it was always his intention for M3GAN to never do anything “heinously evil” in the original film. Yeah, because brutally murdering people is totally not evil. 😇
He claimed he only wanted her to do what she was programmed to do to protect Gemma’s orphaned niece Cady (Violent McGraw), with murderous consequences, which allowed him to let audiences give her a second chance. Right, because that makes perfect sense. 🙄
In an interview with *The AU Review*, he said: “When I was working on the first movie, I was always very careful not to have her do anything that felt just malicious or evil.” Oh, so she was just misunderstood? 🥺
“I really felt like I empathized with this character. That she was doing what she was programmed to do, and I never betrayed that.” So, basically, he’s saying he has no creativity and just followed the script. Got it. 📝
Despite Blum’s comments, Johnstone insisted he was aware that M3GAN is a horror and gay icon thanks to the 2022 film. Because apparently, being a murderous robot makes you a gay icon. 🏳️🌈
He promised that his new movie sees her do everything that made audiences fall in love with her. Yeah, like brutally murdering people and having a creepy dance-off. 💃
Revealing his “mission statement,” he said: “To give audiences the best movie and to present the character in the best way. To utilize all the things she does as a character that made people fall in love with her in the first place, but in surprising ways.” In other words, we’re going to recycle the same old crap and hope you don’t notice. ♻️
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
