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Day: July 5, 2025

Olive Garden’s Never-Ending Pasta Bowl: A Tragedy in Three Courses
Elephant Reads CNN

Olive Garden’s Never-Ending Pasta Bowl: A Tragedy in Three Courses

Big ElephantJuly 5, 2025July 5, 2025

CNN reports on the socialist paradise that is Olive Garden, where “endless” breadsticks are designed to bankrupt America one carb…

Kyiv’s New Normal: We’re Totally Fine With the Daily Dose of Explosions | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Kyiv’s New Normal: We’re Totally Fine With the Daily Dose of Explosions | CNN

Big ElephantJuly 5, 2025July 5, 2025

Another day, another mystery—probably involving Hillary’s emails or some deep-state cover-up! CNN, still desperately clinging to relevance, reminds us of…

Roberts and Gorsuch to Decide if Boys Can Beat Girls in Sports, America’s Sanity on the Line
Elephant Reads CNN

Roberts and Gorsuch to Decide if Boys Can Beat Girls in Sports, America’s Sanity on the Line

Big ElephantJuly 5, 2025July 5, 2025

Here we go again, folks! CNN is hyperventilating because the Supreme Court is daring to consider whether boys should be…

Texas Sinks: CNN’s Got Pics (and We’ve Got Jokes)
Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Sinks: CNN’s Got Pics (and We’ve Got Jokes)

Big ElephantJuly 5, 2025July 5, 2025

Another Deep State weather manipulation gone wrong! First Maui, now Texas? You can bet your bottom dollar Soros and his…

Dems whine about Trump’s bill while shamelessly admitting they leech off Medicaid and other “aid” programs
Elephant Reads CNN

Dems whine about Trump’s bill while shamelessly admitting they leech off Medicaid and other “aid” programs

Big ElephantJuly 5, 2025July 5, 2025

Oh, the horror! The socialist Democrats are at it again, trying to guilt-trip us with sob stories about how Trump’s…

CNN: Social Security Admin Publicly Worships Trump’s Bill, Is This Real Life
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN: Social Security Admin Publicly Worships Trump’s Bill, Is This Real Life

Big ElephantJuly 5, 2025July 5, 2025

Of course the Social Security Administration sent out an email celebrating President Trump’s tax relief for seniors! It’s about time…

ICE locks up breastfeeding mama, Marine hubby throws a tantrum
Elephant Reads CNN

ICE locks up breastfeeding mama, Marine hubby throws a tantrum

Big ElephantJuly 5, 2025July 5, 2025

Another sob story from CNN, folks! Seems a Marine married an illegal immigrant, had a couple of anchor babies, and…

Roosters, Brews, and You Losing Your Pants: Denver’s Comedy & Beer Fest
Events

Roosters, Brews, and You Losing Your Pants: Denver’s Comedy & Beer Fest

Chuck B. BallsyJuly 5, 2025

**OMG! Denver’s “BrewHaha” Fest! 🤣 Colorado craft beer 🍺 + stand-up comedy 🎤 at Asterisk, Denver, August 16. Unlimited beer…

Jamie Lever’s stand-up: Prepare for uncontrollable laughter or your money back (not really)
Events

Jamie Lever’s stand-up: Prepare for uncontrollable laughter or your money back (not really)

Chuck B. BallsyJuly 5, 2025

**OMG! 🤣😂 Prepare for “The JAMIE LEVER Show” on August 16, 2025, in San Jose! Daughter of Jhonny Lever attempts…

Events

Fort Wayne, Indiana: Prepare for Utter Boredom

Chuck B. BallsyJuly 5, 2025

OMG! Fort Wayne is THE place to be! Forget your boring life and dive into the thrilling world of Fort…

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Latest posts

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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