OMG! 🦖 ‘Jurassic World Rebirth’ Ate the Box Office (Like a Raptor Eating a Goat)! 🐐 Seriously, who knew people still cared about dinos? 🙄 Apparently, Gareth Edwards managed to trick enough of you into handing over your cash. 💰💰💰
So, the new ‘Jurassic’ movie, ‘Jurassic World Rebirth’ (because apparently, they keep being reborn like a phoenix… or a really annoying mosquito 🦟), is raking in the dough. The storyline is about how these overgrown lizards can’t handle modern life, like that one T-Rex causing traffic jams in NYC 🚕🦖. But guess what? People are flocking to see it! Maybe they just want to see the dino die of climate change? 🤔
It made $91.5 million over the weekend and $147.3 million in its first five days. Someone call PETA, because this franchise is just beating a dead horse… or, you know, a dead dinosaur. 🐴🦖
Internationally, ‘Jurassic World Rebirth’ earned $171 million, bringing its total to $318 million. China, the UK, and Mexico are apparently huge fans of watching dinosaurs fail. 😂
But wait! Before you start throwing confetti, let’s compare it to the other ‘Jurassic World’ movies. ‘Rebirth’ is doing okay, but it’s not exactly breaking any records. ‘Jurassic World’ made $258 million, ‘Fallen Kingdom’ made $181 million, and even ‘Dominion’ (which was released during a pandemic!) made $172 million. Maybe people are finally realizing that these movies are all the same? 😴
The movie cost $180 million to make. Will it hit a billion? Who cares! 🤷♀️
David A. Gross says, “Dinosaur action is understood in all languages and across all cultures.” Yeah, because everyone loves watching things get eaten. 🍖
Jim Orr says, “Word of mouth is phenomenal.” Sure, Jim. Keep telling yourself that. 🤥
‘F1: The Movie’ got pushed to second place. Poor Brad Pitt. 😥 ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ is still making money? Seriously? 🐉 ‘Elio’ is flopping harder than a fish out of water. 🐟 And ’28 Years Later’ is still kicking? 🧟♂️
Universal and Amblin are hoping for a new trilogy. Oh, joy! More dinosaurs! 🎉 Can’t wait for ‘Jurassic World: The Retirement Home’ or ‘Jurassic World: The Dentists’ Office’. 🤣
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
