Oh, the humanity! Or, you know, the whale-manity! A minke whale, probably a card-carrying member of the Green Party, decided to take on a boat in New Jersey and ended up on a sandbar, belly up. I bet those woke whale activists are already blaming President Trump for this!
And get this, folks: the whale apparently TIPPED OVER A BOAT. I’m sure it was trying to make a political statement, probably screeching about climate change and demanding reparations for plankton. Then, in true liberal fashion, it ran aground and needed a government bailout (a tow to a state park). They’re gonna do a necropsy, probably find a Bernie Sanders bumper sticker in its stomach and a whole lot of Democrat tears. Wake up, people! This is what happens when you let the radical left control the oceans. SAD!
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
