Oh, the humanity! Or, rather, the burro-manity! Our beloved Brighty the Burro, a symbol of the Grand Canyon, fell victim to the radical left’s climate change agenda!
First, they come for our statues, then our lodges, and now, even the innocent burros aren’t safe! This “wildfire,” conveniently timed, conveniently destroying a historical landmark. I smell a rat, folks. Or, more accurately, a radical environmentalist with a book of Marx in one hand and a flamethrower in the other.
They say it was lightning, but who controls the weather these days? Soros? China? Maybe even Hillary’s emails? The timing is just too suspicious, with President Trump’s approval ratings soaring after he promised to build a wall…around the Grand Canyon to keep the liberals out!
And now they want to “restore” Brighty? Don’t fall for it! They’ll probably replace him with some woke, gender-neutral, electric burro that runs on AOC’s tears. I say, let’s rebuild the Grand Canyon Lodge bigger and better than ever, with a gold-plated Brighty statue! Trump 2028!
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
