Cradle of Filth Is Hiring New Slaves: Thousands of Musicians Ready to Suffer Abuse for a UK Visa
The great and terrible British symphonic black metal machine, Cradle of Filth, is once again in the spotlight. But this…
Month: August 2025
Denny’s Announces Free Pancakes For Customers Who Take Fight Outside
Read MoreThe OnionSPARTANBURG, SC—Introducing a new promotion that will be available to both adults and children at its restaurants nationwide,…
5 Things You Should Pretend to Care About Today (Because CNN Told You To)
Folks, let’s cut the crap. The liberal media is peddling their usual garbage, but fear not, because President Trump is…
MUDVAYNE Drops ‘Hurt People Hurt People’ After Century-Long Hiatus, Proving They Still Know How To Spell ‘Edgy’
Well, well, well, look who crawled out of whatever primordial ooze they were marinating in – it’s MUDVAYNE! 🤡 They’ve…
Ice Nine Kills Announces ‘Silver Scream Con London’ – Prepare for Ear Piercings and Bank Account Bleeding
🤡 So, after gracing the U.S. with their oh-so-successful four years of… something… ICE NINE KILLS is unleashing Silver Scream…
Marvel Multiverse: So Easy, Even Your Grandma Can Understand It (Spoiler: She Won’t)
Hey, Marvel Zombies! 🧟♂️ Prepare to have your tiny minds blown! 🤯 Everything you *thought* you knew about the sacred…
Miss May I? More Like Miss May Cry: New Single ‘Pray For Silence’ Is Out Now (Prepare to Yawn)
MISS MAY I, those stalwarts of Ohio metalcore that you *totally* remember from 2010, are STILL churning out “music.” Yes,…
Gamescom 2025: Vampire: The Masquerade — Bloodlines 2 Gameplay: Still Not a Complete Disaster, Surprisingly
OMG 😱, has it REALLY been “forever” since we saw Vampire: The Masquerade — Bloodlines 2? Like, I’m pretty sure…
HONOR’s Magic V5: So Thin It Might Disappear, Now with Enough AI to Order Pizza For You, Europe’s So Lucky
Oh, look, another foldable phone! 🙄 HONOR, who? Apparently, they’ve graced us with the Magic V5, which they’re calling “the…
Behold! THE GATHERING Milks ‘Mandylion’ for 30th Anniversary Bucks in Dull Dutch Town
Ok, boomer, listen up! 👴 Your favorite Dutch rockers THE GATHERING—yes, the ones your dad listened to—are back with the…