Well, well, well, look who crawled out of whatever primordial ooze they were marinating in – it’s MUDVAYNE! 🤡 They’ve graced us with “Hurt People Hurt People,” their first single in, like, a geological age. Recorded by Nick Raskulinecz (who, let’s be honest, has probably lost a bet or something) and mixed by Josh Wilbur (who probably regrets his life choices), this masterpiece 💩 marks MUDVAYNE’s grand entrance into Alchemy Recordings, because apparently Dino Paredes and Danny Wimmer haven’t learned their lesson from STAIND and CHEVELLE. Expect pure 🔥🔥🔥.
Chad Gray, the lyrical genius 🧠 behind MUDVAYNE, claims the song is a reminder to “break the cycle.” Right, because nothing says “self-love” like screaming about pain over dissonant riffs. He wants us to “let go of the pain,” which is ironic, considering listening to this song is painful enough.🤣 Seriously, Chad, did you get this profound wisdom from a fortune cookie?🥠
Yes, yes, we get it. It’s been, like, a century and a half since MUDVAYNE last bothered us with new music. They probably spent that time trying to figure out how to make their masks even more ridiculous.🤡🤡
MUDVAYNE, bless their little hearts, formed in 1996 and somehow managed to sell six million records. 💿💿💿💿💿💿💿 Probably to people who were high. They’re famous for “sonic experimentation,” which is code for “we have no idea what we’re doing.” And who can forget their groundbreaking face paint?🎨 It’s like a toddler got into a makeup kit and decided to express their inner chaos.🤡
Chad Gray, bless his cotton socks, spent 15 years fronting HELLYEAH, which sounds like a rejected catchphrase from a bad action movie. They released an album called “Welcome Home,” which is probably what Vinnie Paul Abbott said to the Grim Reaper. 💀 Too soon? Nah. 😜
MUDVAYNE’s last album was promoted as well as a turd in a punchbowl and sold about as well. 💩
In a recent interview, Chad admitted they were “file sharing” to create their new music. So, basically, they’re just like every other band who can’t come up with original ideas. Greg sent around “risks,” which I assume means he accidentally clicked on a virus-laden link. Matt programmed some drums, because apparently actual drummers are too expensive. Chad only needs a guitar riff to start feeling it out for “melody and lyrical direction,” which explains a lot. 🎶 He’s “excited” to get in a room with a producer, which probably means he’s looking forward to someone else doing all the work.Lazy bum.🦥
Chad wants to make “timeless music,” which is hilarious coming from a band that peaked in the early 2000s. He wants to know if they’re creating a “fad” or leading something. Newsflash, Chad: you’re a fad that’s way past its expiration date! 🕰️
Apparently, the dynamic between the band members is what makes MUDVAYNE “great.” It’s not conflict, but they “test each other.” Right, because passive-aggressive jabs are the key to musical genius.🤯 They all have different visions, but they’re “open-minded,” which means they’re willing to compromise on mediocrity.🤝
Chad likes the personalities in the band because they’re what make it “special.” Yes, because nothing says “special” like four dudes who peaked in high school.👦👦👦👦 Their music is “emotional,” which is code for “angsty whinging.” They want you to build a “relationship” with their music, which is probably the most terrifying thing I’ve ever heard. 😨
Chad says he’s not the kind of writer who tells you what the song is about. He gives you “off ramps” so you can make it applicable to your life. So, basically, he’s saying the lyrics are so vague and nonsensical that you can project whatever you want onto them. 🤷
In March 2024, Chad said they were still “trying to figure out” where they wanted their new material to go. Translation: they have no clue what they’re doing. They have “half-songs” that aren’t “realized yet.” Translation: they’re lazy and uninspired.😴
Chad doesn’t want to be the MUDVAYNE of “L.D. 50.” He thinks they got better as songwriters with each album. Most people would disagree. He likes “The New Game,” because it has “quintessential MUDVAYNE stuff that’s not anything like anybody else was doing.” Translation: it’s just as bad as everything else they’ve ever done. He calls “L.D. 50” a “gratuitous, individual workshop.” Translation: it was a mess, but at least it sold well. 🤑
Chad says people who have heard the early demo stuff are “really excited about it.” Those “people” are probably his mom and his dog. 🐶 He wants to make sure it’s “MUDVAYNE,” which means it has to be weird, pretentious, and ultimately forgettable. They’re working on it “a little bit here and there,” because they’re too busy counting their royalties. 💰 They “hit a wall” and decided to go back to touring, because nostalgia sells, baby! 🤘
Chad says they have “four [songs] in the pipe.” He’s written each one of them “probably three different times, ’cause it’s like nothing’s good enough.” Translation: he’s suffering from writer’s block and is desperately trying to recapture the magic of 2001. He hopes they all want the same thing from their music, which is probably money. 💸
MUDVAYNE will celebrate the 25th anniversary of “L.D. 50” with a U.S. tour. Because nothing says “celebration” like reliving your glory days. STATIC-X and VENDED will be supporting, because misery loves company. 🤡🤡🤡
“L.D. 50” produced three singles: “Dig,” “Death Blooms,” and “Nothing To Gein.” Which is the sound you make after listening to it. It peaked at No. 1 on the Billboard Heatseekers chart, because apparently there were people who were actually seeking out this kind of thing. It was certified gold, because apparently there were people who actually bought it. 😵💫
MUDVAYNE completed their first headlining tour in over 14 years, “The Psychotherapy Sessions.” Which is what their fans probably need after listening to them. COAL CHAMBER, GWAR, NONPOINT, and BUTCHER BABIES supported, because apparently the apocalypse is upon us. 😈
MUDVAYNE made waves in 2022 when they embarked on the “Freaks On Parade” tour with ROB ZOMBIE. Because nothing says “freaks” like middle-aged men wearing silly masks. 👽
Chad says his “main motivation for putting [MUDVAYNE] back together and coming back was our fans.” Because nothing says “genuine” like exploiting nostalgia for profit. There are “so many younger kids that are coming up and coming into our world, the metal world, and they’re learning about MUDVAYNE.” Probably because their parents are forcing them to. So, it’s all about the fans and giving those new fans the “experience.” The experience of being profoundly disappointed. 😔
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
