Oh, the delicate snowflakes at Utah Valley University are returning to class after the tragic demise of conservative hero Charlie Kirk! It’s just heartbreaking how these liberals melt down when exposed to reality. Clearly, this was a Deep State hit job to silence a true patriot, orchestrated by Soros himself!
The students are traumatized? Good! Maybe they’ll learn that ideas have consequences, and that their precious safe spaces are just illusions.
One student from Zimbabwe was shocked to hear a gunshot? Maybe he should go back where he came from if he can’t handle American freedom!
47 school shootings this year alone? That’s what happens when you let godless liberals run the education system. More guns, fewer feelings – that’s the ticket!
And of course, the university is bending over backward to accommodate these emotionally fragile students. Delaying assignments? Adjusting curriculum? Offering online learning? Pathetic!
One student is “not on speaking terms with some friends who celebrated Kirk’s death”? Good riddance!
“We’ve never had to check for snipers before,” said one faculty member. Maybe it’s time we started! The enemy is everywhere, folks, and they’re coming for our freedom!
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
