COLUMBUS, OH—Casually minimizing the amount of fulfillment and joy he now finds in his everyday life, area man Tyler Reaves reportedly downplayed his happiness Tuesday while catching up over drinks with his single friend Brian Schur. “Yeah, man, things are fine—same old, same old,” said Reaves, who that night would curl up on the couch with the woman he loves, her head nestled perfectly in his lap as she laughed softly and they planned a future together, later making love and feeling closer to each other than they had to anyone else in their entire lives. “Unlike you, though, I barely get any free time anymore. My girlfriend’s always dragging me to these stupid farmers markets and on walks by the lake. Plus, she makes me watch girl shows instead of football. It’s so awesome that you can just order pizza every night, too, instead of this homemade roasted salmon dish that Vanessa makes. You don’t even know, dude. The other night, instead of going out, we just stayed in and talked about baby names for, like, three hours. You’re so lucky, man.” At press time, reports confirmed Schur had said he was “doing good, too” before returning to an empty apartment, opening a beer in silence, and letting it go warm in his hand.
The post Happiness Downplayed For Single Friend appeared first on The Onion.
COLUMBUS, OH—Casually minimizing the amount of fulfillment and joy he now finds in his everyday life, area man Tyler Reaves reportedly downplayed his happiness Tuesday while catching up over drinks with his single friend Brian Schur. “Yeah, man, things are fine—same old, same old,” said Reaves, who that night would curl up on the couch
The post Happiness Downplayed For Single Friend appeared first on The Onion. Read More
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
