Oh, great. Just what the world needed: another “Pantera” (but not really) cash-grab coffee table book from Rufus Publications, featuring the photographic “genius” of Ross Halfin. 🙄 Because nothing says “tribute” like exploiting the legacy of Dimebag and Vinnie Paul for a few extra bucks. Get ready to empty your wallets, folks! 💸
So, apparently, Ross Halfin—who, let’s be honest, probably couldn’t tell the difference between a Dimebag and a, well, you get the idea—has been granted “unrestricted access” to the “band” (and I use that term loosely). We’re talking backstage passes, days off, and those earth-shattering “killer shows” where they play the hits without, you know, the actual guys who wrote them. 🤘 But wait, there’s more! Ross has also “delved into his extensive PANTERA archive.” Translation: he found some old photos of Dime and Vinnie and is slapping them in there to tug at your heartstrings (and your wallets). How… touching? 🥹 It’s PANTERA in the raw, alright—raw exploitation! 🥩
This “huge, A3 portrait coffee table book” (because size matters, right? 😉) boasts “more than 300 pages” of photos. I’m sure they’re all super original and not just the same three poses repeated with slightly different lighting. And because they know you’re a special kind of sucker, it comes in a “distinctive, diamond plate style embossed slipcase.” Ooh, fancy! ✨ But here’s the kicker: Only 666 numbered copies are being made available, and each one is “hand signed” by the current “touring lineup” (read: Philip Anselmo, Charlie Benante, Rex Brown, and Zakk Wylde, aka the PANTERA cover band). Signatures from the tribute band members will make this book even more valuable! 🤡
PANTERA, once a legendary heavy metal band, sold over 25 million albums worldwide. But who needs the original lineup when you can have a resurrected version touring the world, playing the classics without the Abbott brothers? 🎉 Brown and Anselmo, proving that some wounds never heal (or that money talks), decided to reunite for PANTERA’s first major tour in 22 years. Because nothing says “respecting the dead” like cashing in on their name and legacy. 🤑
You can pre-order “Pantera” by Ross Halfin (who is he again?) from rufuspublications.com. It sells for £250 plus worldwide delivery. The book is expected to ship in spring 2026. Mark your calendars and prepare to part with your hard-earned cash! 📅💰
And let’s not forget the summer amphitheater tour with AMON AMARTH. Because nothing screams “PANTERA” like a support act from Sweden. 🇸🇪 Followed by stadium shows with METALLICA and SUICIDAL TENDENCIES, because why not throw in as many big names as possible to distract from the fact that it’s not really PANTERA? 🤷♂️
Oh, and in case you forgot (or were trying to), Vinnie Paul and Philip Anselmo were on non-speaking terms until Vinnie’s death. 💔 And Vinnie indirectly blamed Anselmo for Dimebag’s death. But hey, who needs brotherly love and respect when there’s money to be made? 💰
Dimebag, a true guitar legend, was tragically murdered onstage in 2004. 🎸😢 And Vinnie and Anselmo hadn’t spoken since PANTERA split in 2003. But don’t worry, none of that matters now that there’s a new “PANTERA” touring the world and a fancy coffee table book to buy. 📚
So, there you have it. Another opportunity to open your wallet and support the exploitation of a legendary band’s legacy. Don’t miss out! 🤣
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Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
